#1
I dont know, I was watching "When A Stranger Calls" and I was bored so I just started writing. It kinda sucks, but here it is




Something is there
Standing behind you
You better turn around
Before he gets you

You turn around
And nobodies there
And you have that weird feeling
That somebodies here

There are so many sounds
Making you jump
And then you wonder
Who is here
And youre stumped

You turn around
And nobodies there
And you have that weird feeling
That somebodies here

Then starts the calls
And all you hear is breathing
They wont stop
Your heart is pounding
And then........DEATH
#2
as a poem this is quite good, it builds the tesnsion quite ominously and then leaves you wondering what sort of death is at the end (well, it does to me cos i'm macabre).

didn't like the use of the word stumped at the end of stanza 3. it seemed a bit childish, and the rest of the language was simple, yet somehow meaningful. stumped took that away somewhat.

hope that makes sense, write more cos that was good
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#3
I like how the buildup of tension abrubptly cuts off to a single word and the song ends, it feels appropriate, the lack of explanation makes it better in my opinion.

I would change the song a bit to make it less clear that the paranoia is justified and that someone is actually there, but that's just a different approach.

Crit mine if you like.