#1
Ok I just wrote a new song..and was wondering what you guys thought about it..so..plz crit it..and..be as harsh as you can be..It doesnt really have a title yet, either...so..If someone could think of a title..It would be appreciated..

Your staring down the barrel of a gun
begging for mercy, this is isnt fun?
You had your laugh , I think Ill have mine
bones breaking, tearing from the rind

You should have never ****ed with me
shot to the head, killed instantly
You thought you were something
now, just a lifeless body, nothing

Bullet to the f**kin brain
Immense amount of pain
lying on the floor dead
bleeding crimson red

You should have never f**ked with me
shot to the head, killed instantly
You thought you were something
now, just a lifeless body, nothing

You tried to take the life from me
My anger began to seethe
Now you cant even breathe
This was something you never could have percieved

You should have never f**ked with me
shot to the head, killed instantly
You thought you were something
now, just a lifeless body, nothing
Last edited by LoG122392 at Feb 10, 2007,
#3
well to be completely onhest it sounds like a poem, soz dude this just doesnt real sound likea song, but its well writen the word flow and it makes sence just doesnt sound like a song to me
Manchester United
#5
Sounds sort of like rap to me, it flows fairly well but the line immense amount of pain sounds a little corny.