#1
I hope that everyone enjoys their lives
When it's my time to say good-bye,
I hope that they reach their goals
But me, I took my soul

My life, was never fair
Cruel, Uncaring, and nobody there

My life was a joke,
And then I did choke,
On a knife that slits my throat
Smiling at the blade's stroke

I dare you to tell me otherwise,
I know what I'm talking about, all the lies
So many in my life have gone
And sometimes, I'm just a pawn

People are taking advantage of me,
The ones the most, these are the three
Pain, sorrow and agony
Are all coming, eating at me
Last edited by EFINGnamesTAKEN at Feb 11, 2007,
#3
I hope that everyone enjoys their lives
When it's my time to say good-bye
I hope that they reach their goals
But me, I took my soul
the last line is a bit to short to fit. try 'i took away my soul' or sumthin
My life was never fair
Cruel, Uncaring and nobody there

My life was a joke
And then I did choke
On a knife that slits my throat
(cant think of a good line to end this up)
the second line is weak, it is a forced rhyme in my opinion

I dare you to tell me otherwise
I know what I'm talking about, all the lies
So many in my life have gone
And sometimes, I'm just a pawn
mabe put 'just the pawn'

People are taking advantage of me
The ones the most these are the three
Pain, sorrow and agony
Are all coming, eating at me

i didnt understand the wording of line 2


not bad, pretty straight forward.just a few lines seemed a bit cheesy in my opinion, change them if u want or leave them, doesnt effect the piece that much.

crit upon the unknown' if u could
#4
My life was a joke
And then I did choke
On a knife that slits my throat
(cant think of a good line to end this up)
the second line is weak, it is a forced rhyme in my opinion


yea it was

People are taking advantage of me
The ones the most these are the three
Pain, sorrow and agony
Are all coming, eating at me

i didnt understand the wording of line 2

it has to deal with the line about it like
the three people that take the most advantage of me