#1
yeah..This girl has been my bestfriend for my whole life..she's a senior and graduating this year and going off to college...and just wish she knew how much i love her...this is a poem i was thinking about giving her..but idk if it's any good..what do you guys think?

This street of destiny
Ends with you in the horizon
The anticipation is killing me
Just wish you'd understand

Wishing the inevitable
For you not to leave
For my heart would crumble
My ashes will be scattered
Into the cold air which I breathe

As time will go by
Like nothing has happened
Just know that
My love for you will never bend
Break or vanish
I see your face in the stars
In the midnight sky

I feel as though you're with me
Even though you're not
#3
I was about to say it was sorta emo, but then I saw your username.
O O O O O O O O O O
O O O O O O O O O O
O O O O O O O O O O
O O O O O O O O O O
O O O O O O O O O O
O O O O O O O O O O
O O O O O O O O O O
O O O O O O O O O O
O O O O O O O O O O
O O O O O O O O O O
O O O O O O O O O O
#5
Aw, that is beautiful.
I'm sure it'll get your point across.
I don't know why..
I don't know why I fight for you this way.
#6
Quote by EmoRocker19510
yeah..This girl has been my bestfriend for my whole life..she's a senior and graduating this year and going off to college...and just wish she knew how much i love her...this is a poem i was thinking about giving her..but idk if it's any good..what do you guys think?

This street of destiny
Ends with you in the horizon
The anticipation is killing me
Just wish you'd understand

Wishing the inevitable
For you not to leave
For my heart would crumble
My ashes will be scattered
Into the cold air which I breathe

As time will go by
Like nothing has happened
Just know that
My love for you will never bend
Break or vanish
I see your face in the stars
In the midnight sky

I feel as though you're with me
Even though you're not


awwwwww....

It's nice... I don't recommend you give it to her. Rest easy at night with the fact that she is going to college and is most likely going to sleep with every other guy she sees. Sucks for you I guess...

*was in a similar situation*
OH NOES! My sig is gone.
#7
You should post this in the S&L forum....if you want serious crits. But I sense that's beside the point. If this girl's your best friend I'm sure she'll understand your feelings.
Last edited by Siftings at Feb 10, 2007,
#9
Try something more like this...

Quote by Wormphlegm

1. In An Excruciating Way Infested With Vermin And Violated By Executioners Who Practise Incendiarism And Desanctifying The Pious

Dark are these halls
and the air that the prisoners breathe tastes so putrid...
So malevolent that it would make even the most immune
feel very nauseous from the very first gasp of air...

Such is the sickening Hail of this pit...
Known to someone as Hell...
Halls of Torture, Eternal Lair of Stillness
where moments of torture feel as mercy itself

Perpetual Monotony

"vomit...flesh...blood...murder...bodies...
ruler...tyrant...obey him"

Fixed Helpless onto these rotting walls
the doomed await the coming torment...

Inhaling the upsetting scent of corpses
and the repulsing smell of sulphur
arising from the pits below their very feet...

Vomiting their lungs out
hoping to die
but they wont...

The master enters his torture chamber
his minions wait for his commands
helpless prisoners moan of fear

everyone the master considered to be tortured,
were tortured, some of them died, some didn't
one day he?ll come back again to torment the
ones he doesn't appreciate

Torture Jew:
Burn swastikas onto his skin 1000 and 1 times with
this burning hot marking iron
-So I shall burn swastikas onto his skin 1000 and 1
times with this burning hot marking iron

Torture priest:
Boil him in 1000-degree hot excrement
-I shall boil him in 1000-degree hot excrement
Penetrate his virgin ass with satan-shaped phallus
-I shall penetrate his virgin ass with S-S phallus

Torture Jehovah:
Tear down his kingdom and destroy his minions
-I shall tear down his kingdom and destroy his minions
Convert his followers or kill them if they resist
-I shall convert his followers or kill them if they resist

Torture Martin Luther:
Destroy his life work and rip all his skin slowly
-I shall destroy his life work and rip all his skin slowly
Beat him and impose thoughts of an anti-christian world on him
-I shall beat him and impose thoughts of an anti-christian world on him

Torture Allah:
Burn down Mecca and feed him all muslims
-I shall burn down Mecca and feed him all muslims

Torture Hindu:
Stick your hand into his anus and pull out his
guts, then feed him with the holy cow
-I shall stick my hand into his anus and pull out
his guts, then feed him with the holy cow

Torture Martin Luther King:
Break His Bones
-I shall Break his bones
Cut off his penis
-I shall cut off his penis
Cut off his tongue
-I shall cut off his tongue
Burn "White Power" onto his forehead
-I shall burn "White Power" onto his forehead

Torture Lars Levi Lestadius:
Incinerate his offspring
-I shall...
Grind his bones while he still breathes and feed
them to Saint Paul
-I shall...

Torture Saint Paul:
Make him blind again and feed him his eyes
-I shall...

Torture all:
Vomit on everyone, Crush everyone's bones
Rape everyone, Burn everyone
post-mortem for everyone
-I shall.....

everyone left alive still wait for the next time.
the waiting is even more horrid than the torture
itself.

one of the dead corpses still commits an act of diarrhoea

one of the hanging bodies still bleed a mixture of excrements and blood
Last.fm

WE ARE THE MUSIC MAKERS
AND WE ARE THE DREAMERS OF THE DREAMS
#13
if by any chance her name is suzanne or suzy, the first verse of fire and rain by james taylor will make that girl love you forever
Just yesterday morning they let me know you were gone
Susanne the plans they made put an end to you
I walked out this morning and I wrote down this song
I just can't remember who to send it to

I've seen fire and I've seen rain
I've seen sunny days that I thought would never end
I've seen lonely times when I could not find a friend
But I always thought that I'd see you again
good thing to send after she leaves
yea, im dr. love
"This is The End, beautiful friend, The End"
Last edited by i(ncubus)play at Feb 10, 2007,
#14
I like it alot. for some reason.
<//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\>
<//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\>
<//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\>
#16
tape it to a pizza box

then she's bound to like it

but make sure the pizzas inside
#17
Quote by guitarjunky89
In the words of "Hey Arnold!" Do you like her, like her?

Thank you so much for this post. Hahahah.
I'm back, you douchebags.
#18
Quote by i(ncubus)play
no poems i think , just tell her, give her the lyrics you can close your eyes by james taylor or almost any james taylor song
edit: if by any chance her name is suzanne or suzy, the first verse of fire and rain by james taylor will make that girl throw you in a bed in a hearbeat

no it won't man, unless she's like fifty-five
#19
Quote by Siftings
no it won't man, unless she's like fifty-five


she probably wont even kno james taylor is old, probably wont even know who he is or that he did the said lyrics
"This is The End, beautiful friend, The End"
#20
Quote by Bubban
I was about to say it was sorta emo, but then I saw your username.



LMFAO right when i read that i scrolled up and saw his username lmfao.


anywho back on topic if it comes from the heart do it.
#22
It wasn't really the whole poem that seemed emo, just one or two little parts.
O O O O O O O O O O
O O O O O O O O O O
O O O O O O O O O O
O O O O O O O O O O
O O O O O O O O O O
O O O O O O O O O O
O O O O O O O O O O
O O O O O O O O O O
O O O O O O O O O O
O O O O O O O O O O
O O O O O O O O O O
#23
It was good, but I suggest you go with this one:

"If I had a hammer, I'd build a house for two.
And if I had a sailing ship, I'd take a trip with you.
And if I had a poets hand, I'd write a verse for thee.
And if I had the painter's touch, on canvas you'd be.

But I don't have a hammer
And I dont have a ship
So I can't build your house
And we can't take a trip

And I'll never be a poet
Nor have the painter's grace
So I'll never write your verse
Nor immortalize your face

And also I have herpes..."
Quote by richwatkinson
haha You pwned an entire website....i bow down...

TheDudeBox
#24
No, seriously...Try this one out...

Quote by Wormphlegm

1. In An Excruciating Way Infested With Vermin And Violated By Executioners Who Practise Incendiarism And Desanctifying The Pious

Dark are these halls
and the air that the prisoners breathe tastes so putrid...
So malevolent that it would make even the most immune
feel very nauseous from the very first gasp of air...

Such is the sickening Hail of this pit...
Known to someone as Hell...
Halls of Torture, Eternal Lair of Stillness
where moments of torture feel as mercy itself

Perpetual Monotony

"vomit...flesh...blood...murder...bodies...
ruler...tyrant...obey him"

Fixed Helpless onto these rotting walls
the doomed await the coming torment...

Inhaling the upsetting scent of corpses
and the repulsing smell of sulphur
arising from the pits below their very feet...

Vomiting their lungs out
hoping to die
but they wont...

The master enters his torture chamber
his minions wait for his commands
helpless prisoners moan of fear

everyone the master considered to be tortured,
were tortured, some of them died, some didn't
one day he?ll come back again to torment the
ones he doesn't appreciate

Torture Jew:
Burn swastikas onto his skin 1000 and 1 times with
this burning hot marking iron
-So I shall burn swastikas onto his skin 1000 and 1
times with this burning hot marking iron

Torture priest:
Boil him in 1000-degree hot excrement
-I shall boil him in 1000-degree hot excrement
Penetrate his virgin ass with satan-shaped phallus
-I shall penetrate his virgin ass with S-S phallus

Torture Jehovah:
Tear down his kingdom and destroy his minions
-I shall tear down his kingdom and destroy his minions
Convert his followers or kill them if they resist
-I shall convert his followers or kill them if they resist

Torture Martin Luther:
Destroy his life work and rip all his skin slowly
-I shall destroy his life work and rip all his skin slowly
Beat him and impose thoughts of an anti-christian world on him
-I shall beat him and impose thoughts of an anti-christian world on him

Torture Allah:
Burn down Mecca and feed him all muslims
-I shall burn down Mecca and feed him all muslims

Torture Hindu:
Stick your hand into his anus and pull out his
guts, then feed him with the holy cow
-I shall stick my hand into his anus and pull out
his guts, then feed him with the holy cow

Torture Martin Luther King:
Break His Bones
-I shall Break his bones
Cut off his penis
-I shall cut off his penis
Cut off his tongue
-I shall cut off his tongue
Burn "White Power" onto his forehead
-I shall burn "White Power" onto his forehead

Torture Lars Levi Lestadius:
Incinerate his offspring
-I shall...
Grind his bones while he still breathes and feed
them to Saint Paul
-I shall...

Torture Saint Paul:
Make him blind again and feed him his eyes
-I shall...

Torture all:
Vomit on everyone, Crush everyone's bones
Rape everyone, Burn everyone
post-mortem for everyone
-I shall.....

everyone left alive still wait for the next time.
the waiting is even more horrid than the torture
itself.

one of the dead corpses still commits an act of diarrhoea

one of the hanging bodies still bleed a mixture of excrements and blood
Last.fm

WE ARE THE MUSIC MAKERS
AND WE ARE THE DREAMERS OF THE DREAMS
#26
Tell her you love her and that you want to **** her.

EDIT: Or tattoo her name on your ass. Chicks dig that.
Will says:
DON'T FEAR THE REAPER!
- SmarterChild - says:
I don't know if I can help it.

Member #6 of the "I play my guitar as high as Tom Morello does" club
#28
Quote by Deluded_reverie
Really sweet. I like it.
how did you ever find a thread that laid cold for almost 3 months?

why would you reply to it?

are you aware that this didn't even belong in the Pit in the first place?

it's a complete work that could have / should have been posted in S&L.

this is so strange, i can't help but report it.


*REPORTED*
Meadows
Quote by Jackal58
I release my inner liberal every morning when I take a shit.
Quote by SK8RDUDE411
I wont be like those jerks who dedicate their beliefs to logic and reaosn.