#1
Okay, my second song. Please criticize, i love all hurtful critizim as long as it has structure. Feel free to edit in this thread.

Note: This song was strongly influenced by death cabs for cutie's album plans. More specifically Crooked Teeth.

Enjoi.

Verse:
Everyday is the same old shade
of gray that hurts my eyes
Each passing glance is
another sigh that i hold in my heart.

Chorus:

It doesn't matter anymore
cuz nothing really seems like what it means
but today is the day it really ends
because everything seems so far away.

Hmmm~hm~hm (X2)

Verse:
Everday is the same old shit
that collapses itself
Each passing smile
is another daydream to live

Bridge:
But it really doesnt matter at all
Because when everythings so far away
we forget to tell them at all
the we're all on our ways.

Hmmm~hm~hm (X2)

Chorus:

It doesn't matter anymore
cuz nothing really seems like what it means
but today is the day it really ends
because everything seems so far away.
#2
Verse:
Everyday is the same old shade
of gray that hurts my eyes
Each passing glance is
another sigh that i hold in my heart.

nothing grabbed my attention and nothing too blad.

Chorus:

It doesn't matter anymore
cuz nothing really seems like what it means
but today is the day it really ends
because everything seems so far away.

what doesn't matter?, did it ever matter? did you establish hte it prior to this? i really dislike the first line. the use of 'like' in the second line i felt jsut made it worse, then the flow is off and so is the sentence but I dunno find a differnt way to say what you said.

Hmmm~hm~hm (X2)

Verse:
Everday is the same old shit
that collapses itself
Each passing smile
is another daydream to live

first line feels very juvenile.your lines got shorter and i don't think that was effective here. Atleast it feels like they got shorter here.

Bridge:
But it really doesnt matter at all
Because when everythings so far away
we forget to tell them at all
the we're all on our ways.


Didn't liek this that much... can't pin point why. i think becuase when i read the first line all i think is "if you can't find nothing at all..." yeah i think that's it

Hmmm~hm~hm (X2)

Chorus:

It doesn't matter anymore
cuz nothing really seems like what it means
but today is the day it really ends
because everything seems so far away.

I dunno it was alright. nothing really impressed me or floored me.
Can you see in the dark? Can you see the look on your face?
#4
Thank you further very much for the insight!~ Heres the edited version. Hope this one "floors" you!

Verse:
Everyday is the same old shade
of gray that hurts my eyes
Each passing glance is
another sigh that i hold in my heart.

Chorus:

The words don't hurt anymore
Because i just follow it everywhere
but today is the day it really ends
because everything seems so far away.

Hmmm~hm~hm (X2)

Verse:
Everday is the same old thought
that collapses on itself for now
Each passing smile and wave
is another daydream to live

Bridge:
But it really doesnt matter at all
Because when everythings so far away
we forget to tell them at all
the we're all on our ways.

Hmmm~hm~hm (X2)

Chorus:

It doesn't matter anymore
cuz nothing really seems like what it means
but today is the day it really ends
because everything seems so far away.

please comment
#5
Verse:
Everyday is the same old shade
of gray that hurts my eyes
Each passing glance is
another sigh that i hold in my heart.

Kinda Dull....But Maybe this is A Acoustic song?

Chorus:

It doesn't matter anymore
cuz nothing really seems like what it means
but today is the day it really ends
because everything seems so far away.

The Chorus is kinda short.....And yeah Some people Don't like
Short Choruses....Look At Some of my songs


Hmmm~hm~hm (X2)

Verse:
Everday is the same old shit
that collapses itself
Each passing smile
is another daydream to live

I Really Like This Verse

Bridge:
But it really doesnt matter at all
Because when everythings so far away
we forget to tell them at all
the we're all on our ways.

Kinda Strange to Ryme All With All......

Hmmm~hm~hm (X2)

Chorus:

It doesn't matter anymore
cuz nothing really seems like what it means
but today is the day it really ends
because everything seems so far away.


But Over All Partener.....Its Good Writeing.......I'd Give It 7.5/10
Keep it Up, And you'll Be The Best
#6
I made a few changes to give you some ideas of how you can improve it some more. Try to rhyme more as well. Another thing, "Far Away" is the name of a popular Nickelback song so you might want to change the name.

Verse

Everyday is the same old shade
a gray that hurts my eyes
Each passing glance is
another sigh that i hold deep inside

Chorus:

The words don't hurt though
It follows me wherever I go
What this is I just can't say
Everything seems so far away.


Hmmm~hm~hm (X2)

Verse:
Everday I think the same thought
that collapses on itself
Each passing smile and wave
is another daydream to myself

Bridge:
But it really doesnt matter anyway
Because when everythings so far away
we forget to tell them
that we are on our own ways.

Hmmm~hm~hm (X2)

Chorus:


The words don't hurt though
It follows me wherever I go
What this is I just can't say
Everything seems so far away.
#7
Everyday is the same old shade
a gray that hurts my eyes
Each passing glance is
another sigh that i hold deep inside

Chorus:

The words don't hurt though
It follows me wherever I go
What this is I just can't say
Everything seems too close.


Hmmm~hm~hm (X2)

Verse:
Everday I think the same thought
that collapses on itself
Each passing smile and wave
is another daydream to myself

Bridge:
But it really doesnt matter anyway
Because when everythings so far away
we forget to tell them
that we are on our own ways.

Hmmm~hm~hm (X2)

Chorus:


The words don't hurt though
It follows me wherever I go
What this is I just can't say
Everything seems too close.


Thank you Spamwise and *ThunderNation* You guys are the greatest, more criticism please!