#1
I've posted this before, but i felt like getting some more feedback..
Please let me know what you think..


THOSE EYES

My valentine has a doring eyes
I love it when she shouts and sighs
I love it when she laughs and cries
But when those eyes connect with mine
Its more than love
And its hard to find
I swore to never leave her
She swore to never leave me either..

Shes standing in the doorway
Leading to my own death
I step right in every time
As i think i take my last breath
Theres something in those eyes
And it took me awhile to realize
That everytime i look in them
My heart just simply dies

At night i look at the stars in the sky
As they remind me of your eyes
You said you wouldnt leave
So i had no fear
But my eyes have shed their last tear
I want to see those eyes
One last time
The way they were
Back when you were mine

Shes standing in the doorway
Leading to my own death
I step right in every time
As i think i take my last breath
Theres something in those eyes
And it took me awhile to realize
That everytime i look in them
My heart just simply dies
My heart just simply dies

I'll always remember that twinkle in your eye
And the smile on your fave
As i kissed you goodbye
As i kissed you goodbye...

Shes standing in the doorway
Leading to my own death
I step right in every time
As i think i take my last breath
Theres something in those eyes
And it took me awhile to realize
That everytime i look in them
My heart just simply dies




I have an mp3 of this.
If you would like to hear it go here : http://myspace.com/matthewpittsmusic
#2
not a bad song, I like the simple melody, the only prob I have is your voice lacks emotion, its pretty much the same pitch all through the song.Hopefully that changes on the album...Honestly, Id rock out that chorus than get right back into the simple strums on the Verse's.....just m.o.p...nice song though.
#4
My valentine has a doring eyes * Adoring?
I love it when she shouts and sighs
I love it when she laughs and cries
But when those eyes connect with mine
Its more than love
And its hard to find
I swore to never leave her
She swore to never leave me either..

The first three lines are great, and the rest are also good, but slightly cliche.

Shes standing in the doorway
Leading to my own death
I step right in every time
As i think i take my last breath
Theres something in those eyes
And it took me awhile to realize * love this line .
That everytime i look in them
My heart just simply dies

A good continuation, but very cliche, your good wording covers up for this a little, but I still get the feeling that I've already read this somewhere else while reading this.

At night i look at the stars in the sky
As they remind me of your eyes
You said you wouldnt leave *
So i had no fear
But my eyes have shed their last tear *
I want to see those eyes
One last time
The way they were
Back when you were mine

There are slight flow problems here and there (marked with *), but overall this is a good verse.

Shes standing in the doorway
Leading to my own death
I step right in every time
As i think i take my last breath
Theres something in those eyes
And it took me awhile to realize
That everytime i look in them
My heart just simply dies
My heart just simply dies

I'll always remember that twinkle in your eye
And the smile on your fave * on your what?
As i kissed you goodbye
As i kissed you goodbye...

Decent, but cliche

Shes standing in the doorway
Leading to my own death
I step right in every time
As i think i take my last breath
Theres something in those eyes
And it took me awhile to realize
That everytime i look in them
My heart just simply dies

Overall the song is good, but very cliche, I know its very difficult to avoid while writing a love song, but it just makes it all the more important, people have written hundreds of thousands (if not millions) of love songs, and to make one interesting it has to be very original, but although this song is good it just isn't very interesting, because it is so cliche much of the time, try and avoid that.
Oh, and the recorded song is decent, a little emo for me, but still I can hear its good.
I'd suggest a more spare arrangement, just you and a finger picked acoustic guitar.
C4C? my latest song is "The Two Loves I have" in my sig.
Last edited by wooda at Feb 11, 2007,
#5
I Appreciate the comments guys!
And, yea there will definatly be a diffrent version on the album, those are just things i put together here at home.
but thanks again!

more comments are welcome.