#1
A Preist,
A fire,
And a lovers embrace

A sweet
Desire,
Yet a fear to show your face

A thought
let go,
A war that cant be won

The course,
rerouted,
yet the race has not begun

A right
Denied,
A code,
A life,
the shifting of the tides,
And the dawning of the night

The hunt,
The thrill,
The powers in the pill,

A mirror for the ages,
And a child trained to kill

The hunt,
The thrill,
The powers in the pill,

A mirror for the ages,
And a child trained to kill

The hunt,
The thrill
The powers in the pill

A mirror for the ages,
And a child trained to kill.

The blade,
that kills,
The dulling of the skills,

The heart Beats fast,
The mourning of the last

The hunt,
The thrill,
The powers in the pill,

A mirror for the ages,
And a child trained to kill

The hunt,
the thrill,
The powers in the pill

A mirror for the ages,
And a child trained to kill

A thought
that kills
the burning of the feilds

A bullet for the ages,
And a child left to kill


[Thats it right there, Not a long song, but its a fun song. Just thought I would try somthing new.]
:stickpoke
Last edited by crackpipe jones at Feb 15, 2007,
#3
I thought this was a really good piece. For one thing, the flow and rhyme scheme was perfect. It just rolled off my tongue when I read it. Anyways, I loved the wording. It was very meaningful (and songs need to be meaningful), yet not overly complex. It kind of reminds me something Rage Against the Machine would have written. Well, great job and I hope to read more from you.

Crit mine please
The Ankh's Majesty
#4
HEY!!!,

Now that I think of it, It does look like somthing rage would write,

Thanks for the comment
:stickpoke
Last edited by crackpipe jones at Feb 12, 2007,
#5
there, I edited a little of the song ,

The part that once said

"my motors,
on fire,
yet the race has not begun"

to

"the course,
Rerouted
yet the race has not yet begun"

and

"and a machine made to love"

to

"a child left to kill"

Enjoy
:stickpoke
#6
OK...I'm new to this so take it for what is...

First. I really like the title...it grabbed my attention and got to me to read this thread for one. The title could be a cool thing to put somewhere in the song if you can make it flow...just because it sounds really good.

The song flowed very well...rhyming was dead on.

I was interested to see how you plan on singing the short lines....ex. "A sweet, desire." I imagine you separated them for a pause...just wondering b/c your natural instinct is to let them roll off the tongue together. The way you pause between those short lines can change the song completely.

Sounds good...keep 'em coming.