#1
It's late at night. I'm bored. I wrote a song. Ch-check it out.

Go ahead
Throw away all my christmas presents
That I gave you years ago
Judge me as you see me
Beaten lines and torn up dirty clothes
It's not as if I have the power
To stop you treating me like ass
But if you listened to me once
You may decide to grant a chance

I am a man
I have a brain
But it's not as if I have feelings

It's my life story on the news each day
A much loved guy is now bankrupt
The only way I can describe you
Is stupid, futile and corrupt
Is there a way that I can just
Pick up the flicker and mute you?
Or will I just be subjected
To all of this for my future?

I was a man
I had a brain
But now it's like an explosion
I'm as punk as you

Transform into this monster that I am
And see just what you can
Do to stop my pain
Nothing

If pain was life
You are my God
A God that should be deminished

Should I just stop
Would that help you?
Are you quite finished?
Quote by MightyAl
I lean towards Butthole Surfers because only a butthole would carry a surfboard around a town.

Teh Gearz:

Cruiser Stratocaster
Feng Ling G15 Amplifier
Digitech Grunge Pedal
Daphon E20PH Phaser Pedal
#2
I don't even know what to say about this...

It's just so blunt, and there's nothing that really appeals to me about it. It's you ranting and there's nothing appealing to the reader, nor is there room for personal connection.

I don't know if there's any 'problems' with it really(Except that it's childish, and boring.), it's just not my thing at all...

Could you read either "Bayonets" in my sig, or "We Are A Constellation" on the front page.
#3
yea but it's punk. you have to read it in context. and if you like mellencamp, this song probably wouldn't appeal to you lol.
#4
Quote by theRedSpecial
yea but it's punk. you have to read it in context. and if you like mellencamp, this song probably wouldn't appeal to you lol.


No, I'm going to read everything I read here the same way, as WRITING.

I don't give two shits if you're 'punk rawk' buddy, I'm going to criticize a punk song the same as I will a beautiful, baroque-style poem.

Punk can have good lyrics. These are not good lyrics.

Why did you throw Mellencamp out there, by the way?
#5
ya sorry man. i dont see how this could be called punk in any way, shape, or form. and regardless, it sounds like you're using a lot of words here that you're not used to saying in everyday speech. when you try to sound smart, you always end up sounding ignorant.