#1
Ok so its not extremely deep or anything its pretty basic i guess but whatever im only 14, constructive criticism appreciated.

If I had the choice
Everything or her
The latter option I know I'd prefer
She's at the bottom in my house of cards
Take her out its gonna fall hard
I dont suppose she really knows
on my life shes superimposed
Weathers changing says my wind rose

Make me, Hate you
You're never coming back so
Make Me, Hate you
Stop me feeling so god damn blue

And it seems now things are different, for her and maybe me
We've turned around, 180 degrees
People come and people go, always thinking when am i gonna know
Know how shes feeling, what she thinks
Know how close we both are to the brink
I despise to look into your eyes
And not know who I see inside
Not see the look that filled me with pride

Make me, Hate you
You're never coming back so
Make Me, Hate you
Stop me feeling so god damn blue

Because I just don't want to be
Always thinking of you when you're not thinking of me
If things won't ever be the same
Lets right here now end this game

I want you to
Make me, hate you
I need you to
Make me, hate you
Make me or
Take me or
Wake me just
Please dont FAKE ME
Last edited by crazymnm at Feb 11, 2007,
#2
I like it man, but the part about 'turning a circle, 180 degrees' doesn't really make total sense, because a circle is 360 degrees...but that's just me knitpicking. Good job, and keep it up.
#3
"We've turned a circle, 180 degrees"
Shouldn't it be 360 degrees or am I missing something?
#4
oh yeah hahaha i wasnt exactly thinking right when i wrote that bit haha but thanks guys
#7


Quote by Will-eh
Good job for a 14 year old lol.



you know the first bit was alright... but i dunno, then when you started getting all like "make me haet you", i kinda lost interest...

and i'm just a tad biased here so dont mind me but i dunno...
and the ending was kinda just lame... and out of nowhere too... so...

you could rewrite a piece a million times and there will ALWAYS be something to improve so just keep at it...
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