#1
criticism for criticism.

heartshakes.

heartshakes;
black lenses covering
the camera, buzzing
like a sleep-deprived child.
please get this lightning
out of my chills.
when i come to
cut the wires,
shake
shake
shake
shake
shake.
Wade in the water, child.
#2
Really Dark, rather minimulist. In a good way though.

Good Job, I like it.
hey guy!
#3
Usually, I'm not a big fan of short pieces, but I really enjoyed reading this piece. The mood was very dark and melancholy, which I thought was pretty cool. The word was excellent and I like the repetition of the word "shake" at the end. Usually, I write longer pieces, so its nice to see shorter pieces, especially ones as great as this. Well, I'm sorry I couldn't give you a proper crit, but I really don't see anything wrong with this. Great job and I hope to read more from you.

Crit mine please
The Ankh's Majesty
#4
"out of my chills."

didn't really like that line but the rest was pretty good. I also thought that two ormaybe three shake's woudl have bene fine. ratrher tha nthe... 5 or 6 you wrote.
Can you see in the dark? Can you see the look on your face?
#5
You had some interesting lines in it, I really liked the buzzing like a sleep deprived child one. This was okay, but with short pieces there's very little room for improvement. This was okay, but I like most of your other pieces better. If you could leave a short comment on my latest "Memories in Real Time" the links in my sig.