#1
Dead Roses will bloom

This song is basically for someone who was famous for a while but then lost in the crowd after some time and when they die they regain their fame just like dead roses are meant to be special roses . CRit 4 Crit as usual So tell me what do u think .its bit unfinished i am sure on the verse but i think i can expand a chorus a bit

Intro
Verse 1
She wants to measure her fame
So she turns all those pages
All those things she ever said
Are locked in those phrases
Tragic parts of life are compiled
By the heaven, so an angel can cry
When it rains,
Through damn blue skies
They are fears which even he can’t confide

Chorus
Dead roses will bloom
When they’ll remember you
Then Dead roses will bloom
And they’ll see you

(Small solo over here)

Verse 2
Within the crowd of thousand faces
She was young when she started out
She acted fast but never crazy
Since all her reasons were full of doubt
For every rose, that is grown
Some lie on covers, some on stones
If you want you can turn back time
Off the clock but not of life

Chorus

(large solo here)
Hi
#2
First of all, I have to say I really like the subject you chose to write about. For the most part I really enjoyed this piece. The words were meaningful and the flow was good. However, there were a few lines that need to be changed. I would scrap the last line of the chorus. It just seems out of place and doesn't really add anything. I really don't think you need to expand on the chorus. And there was one part that confused me. At the end of the first verse the character is addressed as "he", but at the beginning the character is addressed as "she". Now, I'm not sure if this is just a typo, or by "he" you mean God (which in that case He is capitalized), or something else. Well, despite those minor flows, this was a prety solid piece. Nice job and keep it up.

Crit mine please
The Ankh's Majesty
#3
yeah he refers to god .thnx for the crit . i will get to urs later in the night
Hi
#4
Interesting....My head immediately went to Anna Nicole Smith when I was reading this and her baby daughter...

Maybe, here, you've written Anna Nicole's "Candle in the Wind." I hope so.

Very nice...
#5
Quote by abhishek21
Dead Roses will bloom

She wants to measure her fame
So she turns all those pages
All those things she ever said
Are locked in those phrases
Tragic parts of life are compiled
By the heaven, so an angel can cry
When it rains,
Through damn blue skies
They are fears which even he can’t confide


I'm not entirely sure if it is intentional or not, but 'pages and phrases' seem an almost rhyme, seems to not quite fit, but I do like the three lines they're contained in though. Not really a critisim, more an observation.
Otherwise, I like the rest of it, especially the 3rd and 4th lines.


Dead roses will bloom
When they’ll remember you
Then Dead roses will bloom
And they’ll see you


Nice, makes the point very well and seems to flow.


Within the crowd of thousand faces
She was young when she started out
She acted fast but never crazy
Since all her reasons were full of doubt
For every rose, that is grown
Some lie on covers, some on stones
If you want you can turn back time
Off the clock but not of life

Another juxtaposition, it's a key line, but it doesn't quite fit with relating to the subject, feels very forced.
I also agree with 'themarsvolta' the last line should go, or to be honest replaced, it leaves the song feeling very open otherwise.




I like this song, and there are few errors, a good choice of subject matters, but just a few issues of flow to iron out.

Nice work. 4/5
#7
Elton John/Bernie Taupin - "Candle In the Wind" was a tribute to Marilyn Monroe's tragic life and death.

Goodbye Norma Jean
Though I never knew you at all
You had the grace to hold yourself
While those around you crawled
They crawled out of the woodwork
And they whispered into your brain
They set you on the treadmill
And they made you change your name

And it seems to me you lived your life
Like a candle in the wind
Never knowing who to cling to
When the rain set in
And I would have liked to have known you
But I was just a kid
Your candle burned out long before
Your legend ever did

Loneliness was tough
The toughest role you ever played
Hollywood created a superstar
And pain was the price you paid
Even when you died
Oh the press still hounded you
All the papers had to say
Was that Marilyn was found in the nude

Goodbye Norma Jean
From the young man in the 22nd row
Who sees you as something as more than sexual
More than just our Marilyn Monroe
#8
Thermasvolta : thnx for crit i will crit ur piece now

Alix d: yeah like i said i am keen on keeping the verses but not the chorus as exact i will look into it .the line you talked about . i wrote that to tell that how she was the part of crowd when she started out sort of the background story. any way thnx dude for your crit . none of it was taken in a negative manner . its a constructive foum . is there anything you want me too look at

Mistress alia: thnx forsharing information . to tell you the truth i had never heard of that song . i just wrote it after having some conversation with my frnd , its just a coincidence that there are some similarities betwwen both of the songs .still thnx for the crit .
Hi
#10
The way "Damn blue skies" is worded at the end of the first stanza sounds a little awkward to me, maybe adding the at the beggining or changing damn to damned. This didn't appeal to me a whole lot, but it was okay. Thanks alot for the crit, sorry but there's not alot I can think to say about it. I'll edit more into this or I'll crit your next piece, to make sure the crit you gave is better returned.
#11
"She acted fast but never crazy"

I liked that line for some reason. I liekd it a good amount.

other than that I thought it was decent. didn't liek the through damn blue skies.
Can you see in the dark? Can you see the look on your face?