#1
One of my songs 'With fire in our hearts' Please comment!

Pick up your sword
Pick up your shield
Make your way up-to the battlefield
Nothing but war beneath the sky
Nothing but a bitter cry

We march with fire
We march with fire
We march with fire in our hearts!
Flames ignite the endless dark


Sunlight has finally gone
Walk through time, our war is done
Skyfire will burn and the planets will turn
Heart filled with sorrow
Will we ever see tomorrow?

We march with fire
We march with fire
We march with fire in our hearts!
Flames ignite the endless dark

Snow beats upon the mountain-side
Like changing the waves and the tide

We march with fire
We march with fire
We march with fire in our hearts!
Flames ignite the endless dark


Please comment!
Raise your chalice my brother
Raise it high
To catch the fire that falls from the sky
#2

Pick up your sword
Pick up your shield
Make your way up-to the battlefield
Nothing but war beneath the sky
Nothing but a bitter cry

We march with fire
We march with fire
We march with fire in our hearts!
Flames ignite the endless dark

Sunlight has finally gone
Walk through time, our war is done
Skyfire will burn and the planets will turn
Heart filled with sorrow
Will we ever see tomorrow?

Snow beats upon the mountain-side
Like changing the waves and the tide

We march with fire
We march with fire
We march with fire in our hearts!
Flames ignite the endless dark


It's one of those songs that seems written to the music, and although it seems to be repetative, I do to quite like it.
Can't see to many faults in it, apart from the 3rd tanza.

In the 3rd part, none of the first three lines rhyme and it feels very out of place with the way the rest of the song flows.
I also think the first stanza is superb with the rhyming, but the 'chorus' a little less so.