#1
This town's too close for comfort
The talking's as good as headlines
The city's got complications
I need a place to ease my mind

I've been thinking about it a while
Packing up and getting out
So I woke up this morning, gassed up the car
And pointed my headlights south

I'm gonna buy a motorcycle
I'm gonna take up guitar
Maybe change my name
When I get out of this car.
Gonna get drunk in roadside dives
Gonna finally get that tattoo
Gonna sleep in fleabag motels
Whatever it takes to forget you.


In my head, I'm writing letters
I know they won't do any good
You made it clear that you don't need me
But I keep thinking that you should
#2
Quote by Mistress Alia
This town's too close for comfort
The talking's as good as headlines
The city's got complications
I need a place to ease my mind

instead of "a place " maybe "some place"

I've been thinking about it a while
Packing up and getting out

the use of tenses are bit weird over here but whatever works for u

So I woke up this morning, gassed up the car
And pointed my headlights south

I'm gonna buy a motorcycle
I'm gonna take up guitar
Maybe change my name
When I get out of this car.
Gonna get drunk in roadside dives
Gonna finally get that tattoo
Gonna sleep in fleabag motels
Whatever it takes to forget you.


this is the best part

In my head, I'm writing letters
I know they won't do any good

these are good
You made it clear that you don't need me
But I keep thinking that you should
ending is good



overall ok 3/5
Hi
#3
Quote by Mistress Alia
This town's too close for comfort
The talking's as good as headlines
The city's got complications
I need a place to ease my mind

Short, sweet and to the point, bravo.

I've been thinking about it a while
Packing up and getting out
So I woke up this morning, gassed up the car
And pointed my headlights south

Might just be my pedantic edge, but you either woke up really early or the tenses are just a slight bit confusing. I also think 'Thinking about it a while' seems like a broken sentence, but it still makes sense. Not to be taken on that level I guess.

I'm gonna buy a motorcycle
I'm gonna take up guitar
Maybe change my name
When I get out of this car.
Gonna get drunk in roadside dives
Gonna finally get that tattoo
Gonna sleep in fleabag motels
Whatever it takes to forget you.


Love it, flows beautifully and delivers the meaning with a punch.

In my head, I'm writing letters
I know they won't do any good
You made it clear that you don't need me
But I keep thinking that you should

Again, you make your point well with a nice flow.


I loved it, a song right up my street, that not only exeplifies your point, but flows beautifully for the most part. 4.5/5
#4
Thanks...I made a couple of adjustments...

Better?


This town's too close for comfort
The talking's as good as headlines
The city's got complications
I need someplace to ease my mind

I've been thinking for a while
About leaving here and getting out.
So I woke up before the sun
And pointed my headlights south

I'm gonna buy a motorcycle
I'm gonna take up guitar
Maybe change my name
When I get out of this car.
Gonna get drunk in roadside dives
Gonna finally get that tattoo
Gonna sleep in fleabag motels
Whatever it takes to forget you
.

In my head, I'm writing letters
I know they won't do any good
You made it clear that you don't need me
But I keep thinking that you should


T
#5
Oh and if anyone wants me to take a looksee at their own brand of brilliance, please let me know...
#7
I can't make it happen musically yet, so I pass them on to a friend who's got a CD project going...I'll let him decide " a place" or "someplace" depending on how it rolls off his tongue.




And thank you.
#9
Quote by Alix_D
Anytime, you can return the favour if I ever get around to typing one of mine up.



Tell you what, I'll make it easy for you. Scan your chicken scratches and e-mail it to me. No typing involved.
#12
Thanks for the crit.

I really liked the first stanza, but I didn't care to much for the rest, folk music isn't really my "cup of tea." In the second stanza I think "Started the Car" would sound smoother than "gassed up the car." The last stanza was okay. This was okay, but as I said it didn't really appeal to my tastes, sorry.