#1
you can listen here:
www.myspace.com/andrewwagnermusic

recorded in haste, so a few vocal errors are present

-The inferno
No one ever listens to Smokey
Would you trust a bear that talks?
We let the embers smolder, we weren’t gone long
Just going for a brisk autumn walk
But in our absence the fire grew
The power was too much to control
We caught fire and with nothing else to do
We could only stop drop and roll

Burn
Like you’ve never seen water
Fall like you want to feel the ground
Beneath the blazing timber we’ll pitch our tent
Free from any other sound

Its getting darker and we’re almost alone
But almost is close enough I think
Water runs from clear to black
Golden light fades through the trees
I lost my compass just yesterday
But I’ll let the sun be my guide
In the meantime I don’t mind wandering
Round in circles in your eyes

On my knees and at your mercy
Fire burns with such a fury
It rages clear across the field and sweeps me
Off my feet and running wild
Burn alive and I just smile
The blaze consumes the darkness that frightens me

Burn
Like you’ve never seen water
Fall like you want to feel the ground
Beneath the blazing timber we’ll pitch our tent
Free from any other sound
Rise
Like a phoenix from the ashes
Dream like you could never wake
Keep me on your mind and I’ll do the same for you
We’ll do it just for passion’s sake

The canopy’s a rising hell
We’re underneath dizzy spell
I’m choking from the smoking trees
And I don’t know if I could tell
A mountain from the ground beneath
My feet are blistered from the heat
Surrounding us we’re drowning so
I guess we’ll just admit defeat

Burn
Like you’ve never seen water
Fall like you want to be unknown
Beneath the starry sky we’ll set up camp
In our sleeping bag we’re all alone
Rise
Like a phoenix from the ashes
Dream like you could never wake
Keep me on your mind and I’ll do the same for you
We’ll do it just for passion’s sake
Quote by esther_mouse
...bingo. signaturisation. like burnination, only even more flamey.


Worth listening to
#2
This is really good; the biggest problem is the first four lines. You set a tone of whimsy and humor with Smokey the Bear references, before completely changing the tone and getting serious. I was totally unprepared for the rest of the poem. Like I said - this is really good. For the most part, great word choice, great rhythm, and the chorus is awesome. But those first lines set the mood for the whole piece, and in this case they totally mess it up.

At any rate, if you care to crit mine -

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=524314
My Last.fm Account

My Band

Quote by Jackal58
JoHNNERz you sir are my hero of the moment.