#1
I'm not sure if I like this one. It's really a very radical departure from my style, but rhyming couplets weren't working for me. Just a note, Hibakusha is Japanese for "explosion-affected people". As always, crit for crit.

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Did you scream when the clocks stopped?
When the concrete melted,
When a new sun burst into your Ima,
A rising sun, a wrathful sun.
Did you cry to see your world destroyed
Your children doomed
By a warm wind and fire from the sky?
Did your ears fail to hear
Your eyes fail to see
Your hands fail to feel
Your voice fail to cry out
The brilliant horror and blinding heat
And the dusty silence of its leaving?
If there is a God in heaven
Or a Devil in hell
They are useless now.
We are both.
My Last.fm Account

My Band

Quote by Jackal58
JoHNNERz you sir are my hero of the moment.
#2
I really liked it a lot. You create such a foreboding, tense mood from line 1. My favorite lines are those regarding the senses:
Did your ears fail to hear
Your eyes fail to see
Your hands fail to feel
Your voice fail to cry out


Great stuff, man.