#1
Yo, this will be my verse / my middle eight
I can't wait / I need to get some things off my mind
Cause time after time i'll find - and I've found
New ground, a new sound / I'm marching to my own drummer

Times have gotten worse / my physical state
It's too late / I've found out the fate of mankind
It's all intertwined / there's a reason behind this
I look round / all I see is dumb getting dumber
Last edited by _Mayday_ at Feb 13, 2007,
#2
Its alright, I mean, you defiantly got the concept of internal rhyme there, however perfected it may need to be, but also, the phrasing of your message needs work. The message is there, just not the words, you know? Otherwise, I think you have pleanty of room to improve (so do I but..) and you defiantly can fill that room if you keep it up.

*turns My Block (remix) back on*

Oh, and don't just write when you want to get something good. Write daily. I mean daily. Three rhymes a day, even if its just 2 or 4 bars, just get something down. In time, it will come. If you think you've got something, post it here, it doesn't have to have a message if you're just excersising, and you can post some of that on here, we'll help you.
#3
Thanks alot. I'll take this writing malarkey up.

Yeah, I just felt like writing something this morning, thought of a title and wrote. I didn't really put that much thought behind it, I just wanted to experiment with diferent rhyming styles.

Thanks for the advice.
#4
Quote by _Mayday_
Thanks alot. I'll take this writing malarkey up.

Yeah, I just felt like writing something this morning, thought of a title and wrote. I didn't really put that much thought behind it, I just wanted to experiment with diferent rhyming styles.

Thanks for the advice.

Hmmmmm
Yeah, always experiment. I don't advise writing around a title, rather, write around a theme.