#1
I haven't really been writing songs lately so I decided to try again. This beat of this song is like Kashmir. I actually listened to my brother and his friends about there 'journys' when they smoked things. Note: I didn't plan on the song to sound like a christian song. It just happened.


The greenest forest and the darkest sky hover all around me
I touch the leaves and they disintegrate
Rain pours down on my face and the heavy wind blows
I see many animals running away from me
A huge fire comes out of nowhere and destroys this place

I can hear the Sirens sing as they lure closer toward the fire
Smoke rises from the burning bush, right into my mouth
I would cough but it would never go away
I fell dizy to my knees, it was harder for me to breath

Reawaken by the heat of the flames, the fire surrounded me
Hope of me surviving was lost as my days began to narrow
Then I rose out of the ashes of my dreams and into the sky
I soared without a care in the world
The Four Horsemen flew past me

I looked down and saw the end of the world
Suddenly I began to fall back down to Earth
The fire began to rise out of its ashes
I saw the saints fly back up to heaven

My body gets thrashed when diving down
The firey pits of this once beatiful place are my home for days
I feel the warm air hit my face
As a small tear dropped drown to the wastland
I fell down to my death and felt happy


Tell me what you think?
Crit my song Ignorance of the Safe
Ignorance of the Safe
#2
I can hear Christopher Lee saying this

However, I like it. Its more poetic, though, not really a song... Cool though.

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#4
yeah i agree, sounds more like a poem. in my opinion, you use some words that are really just too common to be used in a poem, maybye try broadening the vocabulary a bit in this song?

Crit mine please? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=525254
Old king cole was a merry old soul, a merry old soul was he.
He called for his pipe, and he called for his bowl( ****ing stoner)
and he called information for numbers he could have easily looked up in the phone book.
#6
its awesome but sounds kinda like a poetic, alomst, story thing
uh...ya