#1
Eh, here's your valentines one from me.

Critique for critique as always.

I don't care about the unctuation, it will be added when I re-writer this.

Enjoy


I conveyed what I said
with an air of competence
the gesture was a young one
yet you helped it age and wrinkle
Shot sparked from the heart
as I gunned it towards you
lights went out around town
took our seats, and table too
However, a timid little bud
embarrased though it may be
sent out Arabian odours
to finger your heart strings
Hends holding us together
feeling through the winter mist
the cliche air of red and rose
will evermore be our catalyst.
#2
I conveyed what I said
with an air of competence
the gesture was a young one
yet you helped it age and wrinkle
Shot sparked from the heart
as I gunned it towards you
lights went out around town
took our seats, and table too
However, a timid little bud
embarrased though it may be
sent out Arabian odours * bad flow from this line to the next *
to finger your heart strings
Hends holding us together
feeling through the winter mist
the cliche air of red and rose
will evermore be our catalyst.

Hmmm... the song is written well, the wording is fine, apart from one little flow problem (which could be from me reading it incorrectly...)
the song is written very well.
But the issue in this song isn't the writing, but rather the meaning, even if there is one, its very very very very (and so on...) obscure, and although I myself write obscure poems sometimes, they are never as obscure as this one.
And you seem to contradict yourself, in the beggining you seem to like this person, yet he\she resists you, while in the end your together as one and never along the song do you get closer, how does this happen?
Of course this is my intepretation, and a shaky one at that...
C4C? my latest song is To my love from my tired heart in my sig
#3
I'd just like to say I like the pieces you write about love more than the ones about politics and media, that's just my opinion, but I think they're all good.

This piece is decent, but I think you couldv'e done better, oh well everyone has to turn out a piece that's below their par at one point or another. I thought some lines were really good, but I also found a few poor one's. I'll edit this later.
#4
I know this may seem a little bit of a shitty critique, but I really do think you're trying too hard especially on this bit:

Shot sparked from the heart
as I gunned it towards you
lights went out around town.

That's horrible compared to the rest. I loved the last 3 lines so well done for that. Liek someone said though, i think you're leaving the meaning a little too obscure.
#5
It's impossible to read fluently without any punctuation; you should have done it before you posted. Also, i don't like "catalyst" being the last word - you need more impact there.

Other than that though, it was solid. Don't have time for much more i'm afraid, i'm straying further away from S&L these days.
#6
Shot sparked from the heart
as I gunned it towards you

this line kinda bugged me, I feel you could have worded it better, more specifically with the word "gunned", other than that I LOVE this one. Good stuff man.
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#7
seems poetic. Quite nice, but some parts seemed kinda random. But it was still poetic.Some parts were a tid bit odd i have to say imo. But its stil nice. I like it cause its original, an you made it how you did. Much unlike lots of poetry, which is nice for a change you kno. Anyways if you get a chance check my new song, its called i punched a clown.