#1
I wrote a song for my wife for our wedding anniversary on Friday. It is the first song I've ever written. I'll have one more night to polish it up before I give it to her. I was hoping you guys could take a listen and tell me how I can improve it. I am planning on doing some more vocal takes. Any post-production type things like eq'ing or mixing are especially helpful.

Comments like "that song sucks" are appreciated but not particularly useful since I don't have time to write another song.

The song is "Chrissy's Love Song" at: my dmusic page
#4
I assume you mean the vocals should be calmer for the first part. I'll give that a shot, I bet that will be nice.
#5
I don't think the drums in the intro do the song justice, they sound weak and strange but they sound much better when the whole band comes in.

For the first song you ever wrote I think it sounds great, some pitch issues with the singing, but nothing bad at all.

I like the build-up but I don't think it builds up to anything intense or emotional enough.

But since this song is for your wife I'm sure she'll love it, it's very pure and innocent.

Crit mine?

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=525271
#6
Maybe it's too late for this comment? But at least I can now ask you what she thought of it?

Anyways, there's some pretty weird sounds in here for a love song. The intro is WAY too long. For love songs, you want to get into the lyrics ASAP. Listen to songs by Celine Dion, most of the songs she has jump right into the vocals.

I won't rip on the production too much considering its your first song, but in the future keep so me of the forementioned comments in thought. A lot of the guitar parts sounded like you were testing a new effects pedal out. Keep it as simple as possible.

Vocals need to come forward as well! They don't sound clear and I couldn't make out some lyrics. In the future, also give us a lyric sheet.
I was once heavily prominent on these forums from 2004-2007, let's see how long I can stay now that I'm back.
#7
a lot of pitch issues in your singing, you're flat almost the whole song. That's what needs the most work. It almost sounds like you're singing scared. Sing more confidently. At around 1:43 you go up and hit the note perfectly, if you can get the rest of the song like that, it'll be much better.
#8
Thanks to everyone for your helpful comments. My wife is in a night school MBA program and she has class tonight, so tonight is the only time I can try more with the vocals.

I realize that my singing is not very good. I'm not sure if I can really sing with more confidence, I was trying to belt it out pretty good when I was recording. I also recorded the vocal melodies on a keyboard to sing along with to try to stay on pitch. I guess that didn't work too well, although when I leave the keyboard melody in the mix it seems like I more or less hit the notes. That probably means that either (a) I am tonedeaf or (b) I wrote crappy melodies.

As for the guitar effects, I had tried it with less going on effects wise and it just felt like it needed some texture because the song is so simple. Otherwise it sounded like a beginner's piano song (probably doesn't help that it's written in C major). Maybe I can try scaling back the effects some.

With the build-up part, I'm not sure I know what you mean about it not building up to something emotional enough. Can you suggest ways I could try to improve it?

Thanks again
#9
Instead of that little keyboard melody you go into maybe something more minor-ish.

And maybe played on the guitar instead of the keyboard.
#10
*comes back for more comments

With love songs, the most important thing is always the lyrics. Work on that craft. Write as much as possible and get more lyrics than you need for the song, you can then edit later. The most important part of songwriting is re-writing.

If I were you, I would also hand write the lyrics on a piece of nice paper. That would mean a lot to hear. Recordings are "okay" but she can keep the lyric sheet like a love note. Keep a copy for yourself also. Once you improve, you can re-write the song later with the same lyrics. If you are a recent newly wed, maybe it would mean a lot to give her this song again on a 10 year anniversary.

You can also benefit from posting your lyrics up here for the future and get some reviews before you record. I have people look at my stuff before I record, while I'm recording, after I record, then again after the "final" product is done. Take advice as it comes, but don't forget it is "your" song.
I was once heavily prominent on these forums from 2004-2007, let's see how long I can stay now that I'm back.
Last edited by Dutch_Apples at Feb 15, 2007,