#1
Haven't been writing much recently, 'cos Ive never eally gotten round to it. Hope this doesn't sound too emo This is dedicated to those relationships gone wrong and the bitterness after a break-up, something happy for valentine's day haha

Steel Cables

The feeling is too much and that you can't deny
Tearing each other apart leaves me asking why
We must step forward from these revolutionary lives
It made them laugh but it made me realize

(pre-chorus)
We lose it all again
But I know there'll be more
To hold out their hand

(chorus)
How could something so right
feel so wrong?
I'm beginning to wish I'd never met
you all along
We'd give our life for another
If that chance ever came
But there's not many that would ever do the same.

The time we spent together has everything but died
There will only be one of us left stressed and sunken-eyed
To pray for their misfortune is where my money lies
What will you do when you find it was a waste of time?

(pre-chorus)
I know you can hurt
And have been for so long
Just take my hand

(chorus)
How could something so right
feel so wrong?
I'm beginning to wish I'd never met
you all along
We'd give our life for another
If that chance ever came
But there's not many that would ever do the same.

(bridge)
Acting out on impulse
Will get you more than you bargained for
Lashing out at everything
Only makes it harder to breathe ever more
The smile is fading now and that...
You can't deny...

(chorus)
How could something so right
feel so wrong?
I'm beginning to wish I'd never met
you all along
We'd give our life for another
If that chance ever came
But there's not many that would ever do the same.

Cheers in advance x Crit for crit
Last edited by Adam_Harrison9 at Feb 15, 2007,
#2
Quote by Adam_Harrison9


The feeling is too much and that you can't deny
Tearing each other apart leaves me asking why
We must step forward from these revolutionary lives
It made them laugh but it made me realize

I don't like 'It made them laugh' it seems out of place, I do like the ending of the last line though, so it's a tough choice. I love the first three lines, especially the flow of the first two.

We lose it all again
But I know there'll be more
To hold out their hand

I don't quite get it, but it flows.


How could something so right
feel so wrong?
I'm beginning to wish I'd never met
you all along
We'd give our life for another
If that chance ever came
But there's not many that would ever do the same.

My favourite part, like some of the rhymes, simple but effective. One thing you could consider, however, is shortening the last line.


The time we spent together has everything but died
There will only be one of us left stressed and sunken-eyed
To pray for their misfortune is where my money lies
What will you do when you find it was a waste of time?

My least favourite part, the flow seems very choppy, especially the second line, I do like the rhyme though.


I know you can hurt
But pain always comes
From the same blood


Acting out on impulse
Will get you more than you bargained for
Lashing out at everything
Only makes it harder to accept your life
The smile is fading now that you can't deny...

Like it, the only line I have a grievance with is the third line, seems very out of place with the way the rest of the song dodges around the obvious.




A very good song, that manages to keep you guessing, a few parts need a little work, but otherwise it has a lot of potential. Also, love the title. 4/5
#4
I feel i like this song generally, the idea is very cliche, but the execution is pretty decent.

I feel some of it sounds kinda sloppy and forced, but the majority of it is pretty well stitched together

All in all i like it
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