#1
will crit ur work if u do mine, dont mind doing it.

well this song is split into three parts kinda, its like an epic story and it has three chapters. me and a good friend wrote it, its about old times and about not forgeting memories and, well...marijuana. enjoy.


"now for the stoner days"

it went so fast
she burned away
my friend maryjanne
lost in a purple haze
you had a dream once
i stood atop of the hill
magical tree
what should it be?

you was wasted
so ****ing wasted
so ****ing baked
out of ur face
you was high
so ****ing high
you was like a rock
a heavy heavy rock

dont let the past III
fly away III
trust in me III x2 CHORUS
you shall stay III
dont forget III
dont bertay III

"now for the troubled years"

its time for us to run dry
my maryjannes turned to ash
gone in the wind for a while
the green was turned to black

desperate times
my world collapse
thoughts invaded
great god zues
no i must go there myself
to find the blistul abyss

i am lost
in the caverns of my mind
theres no way out
as the mystical inbinds

CHORUS

"now for the present times"

racing back to reality
now we slowly rise
to meet you again
open hands for our awakening
open hands for our awakening

you was wasted
so ****ing wasted
so ****ing baked
out of ur face
you has high
so ****ing high
you was like a rock
a heavy heavy rock

you had a dream once
i stood atop of the hill
magical tree
what should it be?
Last edited by lmweed20 at Feb 14, 2007,
#2
the swearing makes it sound a bit ridiculous, at least make it less extreme, say damn or something, like "you're so damn wasted" and using bad grammar doesn't help either, just delete the line "you was wasted" it seems extemporaneous, and "you has high?" i don't even know what that means, here's a example of the same verse or chorus or bridge or whatever it is that sounds a bit better, the verses are great by the way.

you're so damn wasted,
you're so damn high,
you're always wasted,
you're out of your mind,
you're sitting on the couch like a rock

now you see how that has a kind of repetative sound, that's what a chorus sounds like, you're going to be repeating that part throughout the song anyway, so make it fun to listen to, add a little zing.

however, if you didn't mean for it to be a chorus, then delete that whole thing, and i'm not sure what the chorus is because you said CHORUS twice in the song, but i never knew where to look for it.

now, the other verses, in my mind, sound beautiful to a little piano, bass, and drums, kind of like five for fighting, i'm not sure if you're picturing this, or even if you like that band, but if not, you could always throw in some pink floyd sounding music to even further tell about the drug theme.

hope this hasn't been a complete waste of time, both yours and mine
#3
thnx pgfan92.

dont let the past III
fly away III
trust in me III x2 CHORUS
you shall stay III
dont forget III
dont bertay III

thats the chorus, thats why it says chorus next to it.
#4
HAHAHA, Love it, love weed.


Can't wait to see more from you, man.


By the way, The line "you was wasted" is a great line, it goes with the song.
:stickpoke
#5
oh i thought it was two verses that you forgot to put a break in between, i do that sometimes. and i guess "crackpipe jones" and i disagree with the bad grammar thing, i enjoy listening to people who sound like the know how to speak english properly myself, but that's just my preference.
#6
i liked it, it seemed like a lot of time went into it, and i definately like the profanity, i think that it fits well with the song, great job
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