#1
who likes ? If you like it, whats your fav line?

BEAUTY CURSED BY CRUELTY
coat your tongue with sorrow, taste the apple of my eye. Picked then bare I swallow the seeds that forever hold our birth. Panicked lost and famished, I hunt for more. Carrion suits my every desire, but all love is lost in a hail of gunfire. As I am a soldier, looking to slay once more. One last soul to lick clean, then Ill never again. Shadows meets leaves, then silhouettes meets sky. Like the twinkle that repeatedly ran down your spine, its something that much attracts my eye. Captivated by this image, but yet what is depicted is so naive to my very target in which i hold aim to. Your lips beautify speech so perfectly, yet beauty is often cursed by cruelty. Flexed and ready, my arms held steadily. Piercing through your chest, you lay across gasping for breath. Blood ran cold; Realization of a freed soul. Never will I cross your path again.
#3
*wipes eyes*
That was beautiful.
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#4
Quote by xDie_Romanticx
who likes ? If you like it, whats your fav line?

BEAUTY CURSED BY CRUELTY

guess ill line to line.
coat your tongue with sorrow, taste the apple of my eye.
the diction here is amazing. it flows great to the next line too.
Picked then bare I swallow the seeds that forever hold our birth.
im not sure i understand. it seems like this came right from your heart. or something. lol.
Panicked lost and famished, I hunt for more. Carrion suits my every desire, but all love is lost in a hail of gunfire. As I am a soldier, looking to slay once more. One last soul to lick clean, then Ill never again.
that last line is great.
Shadows meets leaves, then silhouettes meets sky. Like the twinkle that repeatedly ran down your spine, its something that much attracts my eye.
those two lines are my favourite.
Captivated by this image, but yet what is depicted is so naive to my very target in which i hold aim to. Your lips beautify speech so perfectly, yet beauty is often cursed by cruelty.
changed my mind. those last two are my favourite.
Flexed and ready, my arms held steadily. Piercing through your chest, you lay across gasping for breath. Blood ran cold; Realization of a freed soul. Never will I cross your path again.


that was amazing. your diction is beautiful.

darkangel322
The only truly consistent people are dead people.

#5
Quote by xDie_Romanticx
who likes ? If you like it, whats your fav line?

BEAUTY CURSED BY CRUELTY
coat your tongue with sorrow, taste the apple of my eye.Picked then bare I swallow the seeds that forever hold our birth.
I really like these two lines. The internal rhyming and the words you use are really nice.

Panicked lost and famished, I hunt for more. Carrion suits my every desire, but all love is lost in a hail of gunfire.
This is nice. You really got an image in my head with love and war. Really good.

As I am a soldier, looking to slay once more. One last soul to lick clean, then Ill never again.
Well i normally dont like the word "lick" in anything but it is used quite nicely here. And this is still pretty good so far.

Shadows meets leaves, then silhouettes meets sky. Like the twinkle that repeatedly ran down your spine, its something that much attracts my eye.
The plural nouns meeting with the verbs ending with s throw off the rythm here. Its not proper English too. Id put it like Shadows meet leaves or Sillhouettes meets skies or sumthin like that.

Captivated by this image, but yet what is depicted is so naive to my very target in which i hold aim to. Your lips beautify speech so perfectly, yet beauty is often cursed by cruelty.
Really really good couple of lines here. Thats all i gotta say. Just simply stunning.

Flexed and ready, my arms held steadily. Piercing through your chest, you lay across gasping for breath. Blood ran cold; Realization of a freed soul. Never will I cross your path again.
Well this part came upon me a little abruptly but thats ok because it doesnt really take away any integrity from this piece. Other than that just another few great lines.


Really good piece overall. I enjoyed it very much. Would you mind givin me a crit. Its the bottom link in my sig. And btw my fav line was the beauty and cruelty line