#1
The band I am in had a run in with the law during our last practice. We recieved a combined $2000 fine for a noise violation - "Loud noise inside the city of Salisbury, audible from 50 ft. away." Needless to say we're kind of pissed..most car stereos are audible from 50 ft. away..So of course I had to write about it. Here is a draft of the story, from the officers point of view, in lyrical form. Not meant to be a real serious writing..just putting that out there.

(Think Black Flags Damaged album)


Charlie Ocean X-ray

I hear the sound across the street
it's raw, it's noise, it's incomplete
it's been shaking her floors
I banged on the windows, they didn't listen to Doors.

They asked how I was and said come on in
The table is dirty but clean for a friend
They gave me their names numbers and souls
they broke their muse and took their tolls

I shook my head as they killed it all
zipped 'em up in bags and threw 'em in cars
the noise was scattered for a later hunt
the black walls of sound fell from the front

On the fridge their lines were wrote away
lucky were those who did not stay
I subtly and quietly hit my Mark.
and left before my sky was dark

I said I love the music
I hate being the man
this wouldn't be a problem
I know you understand
when it's too close for comfort
when I'm not far away
of course theres a curfew
in the middle of the day.

Copy.
The Penguin is Chilly Steve. He's my hero.

I saw SOADrox429 almost piss himself 3-18-07
#2
first up mate...thats ****ing shit!!! cops are pigs for that! i suppose there are lots of old pple in the area then? damn man you should appeal! right now to the song...

Charlie Ocean X-ray

I hear the sound across the street
it's raw, it's noise, it's incomplete
it's been shaking her floors
I banged on the windows, they didn't listen to Doors.

nice last line is a bit of a mouthful compared to the rest but it depends on the style

They asked how I was and said come on in
The table is dirty but clean for a friend
They gave me their names numbers and souls
they broke their muse and took their tolls

hahaha i love it! muse doesn't quite fit but again i can't tell unless i hear the song..

I shook my head as they killed it all
zipped 'em up in bags and threw 'em in cars
the noise was scattered for a later hunt
the black walls of sound fell from the front

this stanza and the one before break your rhyming pattern but other than that fantastic

On the fridge their lines were wrote away
lucky were those who did not stay
I subtly and quietly hit my Mark.
and left before my sky was dark

nice again but i think it should be didn't

I said I love the music
I hate being the man
this wouldn't be a problem
I know you understand
when it's too close for comfort
when I'm not far away
of course theres a curfew
in the middle of the day.

ok dude the song and the idea behind it is great with the background story...but if people don't know the story behind it, it won't really stand on its own.. you need to lenghten it and put an underlying message into it...right now it screams i'm angry...but thats about it...try to develop that a bit more, pm me wen you put the next draft up i'm really looking foward to it!
if you feel like it crit my latest song!
Later
Snyper