#1
Ok this is the first time I've posted any lyrics on this board (but these aren't the first I've written - just my favourite) so please go easy. If you're wondering how the rhyme scheme would work, think Citizen Erased by Muse.

Main difficulty I've had is finding a title.
I thought maybe "A deal is a deal even with a dirty dealer" (a line I, admittedly, stole from an episode of Futurama) or "Sleeping or stealing?" but I'm not really sure. Anyway, I'd love suggestions.

Lyrics:
Lock me in,
And never let me out,
Ignore me if I struggle,
Don’t listen if I shout,
Deal me in,
And show me how to cheat,
Poison my twisted luck,
Until I’ve seen defeat,

Chorus:
Lock me in a cage,
And throw away the key,
Dethrone all my rage,
Or I’ll never be free,
I’ll give up my life,
I’ll sell you my soul,
Take from me this strife,
Fill in me this hole,

From within,
Allow me to be freed,
Restrictions nothing more,
Plant dark and evil seeds,
Break me in,
But please don’t break me out,
Of this cage that traps me,
Close, bolt it locked and shut,

Chorus

Blood wears thin,
Bring me back from the dead,
Leaving it all behind,
Always you push ahead,
Closing in,
You control me from growth,
Manipulate my deeds,
Force the words from my mouth,

Chorus

Take me in,
Take me in from the cold,
Remove how numb I am,
The cold reaches my soul,
Wake me up,
Wake me from my feelings,
Bring me back from the dead,
Am I sleeping or stealing?

Chorus
#2
Pretty good, but the title is crap, its way played out giving songs random titles. Unless you are fall out boy, brand new, or patd.
#3
Yeah the main reason I'm trying to find another title is because I thought it sounded too much like a Panic! at the disco song.
#4
I like this. Its written fairly well. I like how the lines of everyday life and doing something bad like stealing are blurred and he doesnt know right or wrong anymore (like in the last line). it paints a picture thats on as grand a scale as a movie. Its like paints a comedy/crime drama in my mind. Overall I like it.

Good Job.
#5
Thanks for that.

I wasn't really going for a crime drama feel, but I did it intend it to seem slightly 'epic' (like a film) so I'm glad that got across.
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#6
Yea it was good, title was probably the worst part. You could've taken anything from the rest of the song and it would sound better that's how bad it is IMO. It could be something simple like "Lock Me In" or "From Within" and it would sound better. Not that those titles are any good either I just picked two random lines from the song.