#1
A love poem - romantic, eh?


Well, I wrote this a while ago, but since I just wrote a short paper on it for my Lit class, I thought I might as well see what you guys think of it. I didn't want the teacher to know I wrote the poem, so thus explains the given name of the author (a pseudonym, for those of you who slow...)


An Unread Letter
by Szudo Nimm


Everyday, I think of you and me –
The ones whom we used to be.

The moments of yesterday.

And I am

Still

In memories.


You were the one –
The one who I could love.

Your soul was beyond the touch,

Your eyes were eternal suns,

And to my life,
You meant so much.


You were unlike
All the others in life;

You transcend the beat of time;

Your lips held the peak of mind –

We would have been so very right.


Now it is lost.

Two years can feel so long;

We are an unfinished song.

Precious times are laid to rot.


And I hope you feel this is wrong.


____________________________________


And, just so as to keep this poem from sounding like the typical, generic set of lines with random words thrown in to make it sound good, here's my "analysis" of it that I wrote for the Lit class:


[open quote]

Nimm’s “An Unread Letter” is perhaps the most tragic type of a love poem – a love poem that will never be read by the person to whom it is addressed. But despite this absence of the intended recipient, Nimm nevertheless addresses a past love with such sincerity and passion that one is left with no doubt regarding this loved one’s pureness of existence.

Nimm begins by confessing, “everyday, I think of you and me”, and immediately reveals these thoughts to be “the moments of yesterday”. He thus makes it strikingly clear that these reminisces must always take a form of the past, and that the present offers no new development into such thoughts. He finishes this stanza with the admittance, “I am still in memories”.

Nimm professes, “you were the one – the one who I could love”, thus establishing the sentiment that he could never find someone else as equally deserving of his heart. He elaborates, “your soul was beyond the touch”, suggesting a human nature that transcends the purely physical realm, and, “your eyes were eternal suns”, implying both an intense sense of wisdom and an enlightening source of inspiration on the love’s behalf. One truly develops a full, appreciative understanding of his statement, “to my life, you meant so much”.

Nimm then delves into how this loved one is “unlike all the others in life”. Further suggesting this person’s eternal nature that extends beyond the physical realm of the worldly and the mundane, he acknowledges, “You transcend the beat of time”. He then adds, “your lips held the peak of mind”, leaving one in deep reverence of someone whose words reflected the highest level of intellectuality. Nimm finalizes this summation of his love’s character traits by lamenting, “We would have been so very right”.

And then, to a crashing literary halt, Nimm declares, “Now it is lost”. His observation that “two years can feel so long” only further heightens the striking desperation of ”everyday” in his previous statement, “everyday, I think of you and me”. He mourns, “We are an unfinished song” – a anguish seemed painfully prolonged for these past “two years”. He concludes of love, “precious times are laid to rot”.

He ends the letter with a one-line stanza, stating earnestly, “I hope you feel this is wrong”. Thus, his most terrifying and unnerving fear would be a sense of apathy or disregard on behalf of his loved one. He feels a monumental sense of wrongness and injustice with this current situation, and his only redeeming hope is that his loved one shares this inconsolable sentiment of discontent.

[close quote]

_________________________________________


Crit for crit.
#2
I know it's lame to leave short comments but there is not much I'd change especially after the evaluation. I really feel it is as is just a good poem. I like it, I feel it, and I enjoyed it.

Great idea.

Quote by dann_blood
Stars are Blind - Paris Hilton. I heard that and set me off on a destructive rampage for weeks.


Quote by FearTheD
i want him to ride his magical roll of USPS stickers to Valhalla
#4
Szudo Nimm



As for the piece, despite your analysis, I still felt as though it was lacking in substance, sure the passage of time, and the meaning was there, but the words themselves carried very little weight, I guess some may say thats the art in poetry, but for me, without the dissection this wouldn't be as strong. I cant really say much else. I'm sorry.

peACE
Filth, pure filth... That's what you are.
#5
^ That's cool. I actually think the same exact thing, which is why I decided long ago to never use this in any song.
#6
its not very original, but this is actually a serious love poem, about like love, not tacos and love. crit for crit, could you crit my newest song chinese weekend, no one ever crits my junk and i have no freinds
when im with you, there's nothing I wouldn't do, i just wanna be you're only one. im gasping out of straws, taken aback by what i saw that night before when we were all alone...
#7
Quote by plus182
this is actually a serious love poem, about like love, not tacos and love.
Um...okay...


Quote by plus182
could you crit my newest song chinese weekend, no one ever crits my junk and i have no freinds
Erm...okay