#1
The revenge began from under my bed
and strolled out to have it's wicked way
I've gotta move before it walks back
'Cause it's planning on dangerous play

The unwritten rule is plastered
over the stop signs and subways
I'm an old, blind and deaf man
refuses to tell his error of ways

\\World War Weekend brings the city to life
The party in the street
begins with a shot
Well I don't want to put your life in danger
So i won't say a word


All of our premade sweat and toil
has been packaged and sent to the top
I'm afraid that it's all up in smoke
Come sit arm n arm, wait for the bomb drop


\\World War Weekend brings the city to life
The party in the street
begins with a shot
Well I don't want to put your life in danger
So i won't say a word

\The Wizard forgot his golden wand
and also his mistress the witch
She's at home mending the faces
Broken by his wayward spells

\\World War Weekend brings the city to life
The party in the street
begins with a shot
Well I don't want to put your life in danger
So i won't say a word


You think being left at the altar was bad?
Sweetness, at least it's still light.
#2
Quote by willtheworld
The revenge began from under my bed
and strolled out to have it's wicked way
I've gotta move before it walks back
'Cause it's planning on dangerous play

the image I'm getting is some psycho - or some crazy kid - building a bomb under his bed to get back at someone or something, most likely society

The unwritten rule is plastered
over the stop signs and subways
I'm an old, blind and deaf man
refuses to tell his error of ways

don't really understand this stanza. Then again, it's only the second stanza, so I don't know the entire concept of the song yet

\\World War Weekend brings the city to life
The party in the street
begins with a shot
Well I don't want to put your life in danger
So i won't say a word

i really love the term 'World War Weekend'. It just seems so...cool, yet right. Correct. It's hard to explain.


All of our premade sweat and toil
has been packaged and sent to the top
I'm afraid that it's all up in smoke
Come sit arm n arm, wait for the bomb drop

what is this, a terrorists song? lol. This is a good stanza. Especially the first two lines. It's just really good imagery

\\World War Weekend brings the city to life
The party in the street
begins with a shot
Well I don't want to put your life in danger
So i won't say a word

\The Wizard forgot his golden wand
and also his mistress the witch
She's at home mending the faces
Broken by his wayward spells

lol, I've got no clue what this is supposed to mean. Certainly not my favorite stanza. But it's definitely not bad.

\\World War Weekend brings the city to life
The party in the street
begins with a shot
Well I don't want to put your life in danger
So i won't say a word


You think being left at the altar was bad?
Sweetness, at least it's still light.



Alright, the imagery I get is monsters, terrorists and riots.

Mind explaining to me what that's supposed to mean?

Lol, then maybe I'll give you a crit which isn't half-assed.


But, if your feeling up to it, you could always crit mine

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=526678


#4
Ok, this is pretty good. But it is very hard to tell what you're trying to say. That isn't always bad, but with this it seems like you're trying to paint a picture but you're making the sky green and the grass blue.

"The revenge began from under my bed
and strolled out to have it's wicked way
I've gotta move before it walks back
'Cause it's planning on dangerous play"


This is really good I like it a lot. It sets a nice tone for the piece.

"The unwritten rule is plastered
over the stop signs and subways
I'm an old, blind and deaf man
refuses to tell his error of ways"


This is also very good, the first two lines sound especially nice. However, this is where it starts to sort of throw me off of what you're trying to say as well.

"\\World War Weekend brings the city to life
The party in the street
begins with a shot
Well I don't want to put your life in danger
So i won't say a word"


Ok, so this is your chorus. Which I think your chorus is what the piece is set around. But all your other verses seem to float off in different directions. The chorus is ok, but I would work on it a little more, because its a lttle bland compared to the verses.

"All of our premade sweat and toil
has been packaged and sent to the top
I'm afraid that it's all up in smoke
Come sit arm n arm, wait for the bomb drop"


Another really good stanza. The last line is great.

"\The Wizard forgot his golden wand
and also his mistress the witch
She's at home mending the faces
Broken by his wayward spells"


Yeah, I dont know why this got thrown in here. It's alright as a verse by itself, but it really doesnt go in with the rest of the song. If it was supposed too, you may want to rework it so it fits better.

"You think being left at the altar was bad?
Sweetness, at least it's still light."


This is a nice little pair of lines. But again my only problem is that you sort of throw it in another direction at the end.

Altogether, very well written piece that you should probably work on a little to make it flow together better.


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