#1
Chorus
I dont know why she hides it
but she finds it
someday x2

Verse
She's got a well kept secret
On a billboard
It seems the best place
Is right in our face
Now the truth seems to hide
Right under our nose
While the lies show themselves
And do what they're told

Chorus
I dont know why she hides it
But she finds it
Someday x2

Verse
I've got a well kept secret
Tearing me apart
From the inside out
(From the inside out)
I don't want her
But i need her
And she keeps pulling me in

Build up to outtro
Pullin me in
Pulling me in
PULLING ME IN
PULLING ME IN

Chorus during outtro
I dont know why she hides it
but she finds it
someday x2


tell me what you think, its only my second writing
Guitars
Fender Highway One Telecaster
Squier Affinity Strat
Alvarez Acoustic

Amp
Crate GLX65

Pedals
Digitech RP120
Boss Chromatic Pedal Tuner

Strings
Dean Markley 10's

Member of the Zeppelinism Faith
PM TheHeartbreaker to join
#2
I'm not really getting the chorus. I mean the chorus should be powerful if its going to be that short. but since this is only your second writing its definitely not bad. I like these lines...
"While the lies show themselves
And do what they're told"

hmm the whole thing isn't bad but its pretty basic. however it could still work as a song.

crit mine?
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=526054
#3
well the whole thing is based around me and this girl that i used to be in love with and i almost knew that she loved me but she wouldnt show it, and i didnt want to tell anybody that i loved her until i knew that she loved me. kinda complex, but the chorus is repeated two times so thats why i made it so short, do u think that i should make it longer?
Guitars
Fender Highway One Telecaster
Squier Affinity Strat
Alvarez Acoustic

Amp
Crate GLX65

Pedals
Digitech RP120
Boss Chromatic Pedal Tuner

Strings
Dean Markley 10's

Member of the Zeppelinism Faith
PM TheHeartbreaker to join
#4
Quote by redweekrocker
well the whole thing is based around me and this girl that i used to be in love with and i almost knew that she loved me but she wouldnt show it, and i didnt want to tell anybody that i loved her until i knew that she loved me. kinda complex, but the chorus is repeated two times so thats why i made it so short, do u think that i should make it longer?


You dont need to make it longer, short choruses are fine. You just need to make it pack some punch. A chorus should be the part that sticks with you.

The rest of the song is pretty good, if not a little bit cliche. But there isnt really anything wrong with that.


My Guitars:
Fender Mustang.
Yamaha FG-413SL.
#5
Quote by redweekrocker
Chorus
I dont know why she hides it
but she finds it
someday x2

this song kind of hits home for me because my hometown is the absolute worst for gossiping and secrets, and all the drama pisses me off

Verse
She's got a well kept secret
On a billboard
It seems the best place
Is right in our face
Now the truth seems to hide
Right under our nose
While the lies show themselves
And do what they're told

this verse sort of has an undertone of looking for something you lost, when it's in plain view. How we'll never notice it. I like it

Chorus
I dont know why she hides it
But she finds it
Someday x2

Verse
I've got a well kept secret
Tearing me apart
From the inside out
(From the inside out)
I don't want her
But i need her
And she keeps pulling me in

you know the feeling where you know you want something, you just can't resist it, but you know you shouldn't take it? That's the message I get in this verse. I also like it

Build up to outtro
Pullin me in
Pulling me in
PULLING ME IN
PULLING ME IN

Chorus during outtro
I dont know why she hides it
but she finds it
someday x2


tell me what you think, its only my second writing



Overall, not bad for your second piece of work. The one you commented for me is also my second

I liked it, but maybe that was only because it's so personal to me. Oh well, it was still good
#6
metalfan, that is exactly what i was thinking on the second verse, but on the chorus i actually was trying to say that she hides her love but she will find it someday
Guitars
Fender Highway One Telecaster
Squier Affinity Strat
Alvarez Acoustic

Amp
Crate GLX65

Pedals
Digitech RP120
Boss Chromatic Pedal Tuner

Strings
Dean Markley 10's

Member of the Zeppelinism Faith
PM TheHeartbreaker to join