#1
Alright, this song might seem very depressing and sad, but it came out that way. I don't really know why.

Basically, it's based around a mental idea I've been toying with recently. Everyone has their own little 'perfect moment', which brings them complete happiness and bliss, with no troubles. For me, it's being alone with the person I love and just talking and showing affection.

The song is about how one wishes those perfect moments could never stop, and how it could drive someone crazy if they don't have it.

lol, kinda complicated.

The song progresses from a major key in the first stanza to a minor key in the rest. A very angry, angsty, depressing minor key.

Anyways, it seems kind of emo to me, but here goes:

A Perfect Moment

What could be better
than being here right now?
ain't it a shame
it should be a goddamned crime

(note: I'm thinking I should add a little more in between these two stanzas)

so as you walk back
to your nicotine and sweat stained apartment
and tuck yourself into your four white walls

you lay there and weep
weep, yes weep, weep yourself to sleep

(kind of going overboard on the 'weep' s, aren't I?)

in your dreams you come back to your perfect moment,
and wish you could never leave
with apprehension filling your trembling fingers,
it seems a pinch just wouldn't hurt
no a pinch just wouldn't hurt
ain't it a shame

The police break open the door because you haven't shown up for work in a week

They find your trembling, comatose state submerged in your 'perfect moment'

Yes, it's a perfect moment.


I really do think it kind of sucks, so I'd like some feedback!


Crit for Crit!


#2
its alright, u have a very good theme for it though, and i know what my perfect moment is, maybe u could add a couple examples of what a perfect moment might be for other people as verses, but i do like the idea, u just didnt bring it out enough in the writing
Guitars
Fender Highway One Telecaster
Squier Affinity Strat
Alvarez Acoustic

Amp
Crate GLX65

Pedals
Digitech RP120
Boss Chromatic Pedal Tuner

Strings
Dean Markley 10's

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