#1
Is it okay to lie here a while
taking this moment in
when you loved me like we used to
and no just pretend
nothing is sacred anymore
it all gives to manufatured
and i want this second to last
clean living is the new way
to feel like you are in
but i don't like it
cos so much is consumed in machines
sedation gets me where i want to be
the numb of deafness is sublime
yet i still want to feel love
if only in this free space
cos you left if for me
and i caress it with my all
you just never know
when it will happen again.


does anyone try to write poetry? I give it a bash.
#5
Quote by Chex
Poetry that doesn't rhyme sucks imo.



Well thats quite a thick-headed statement ....not trying to be rude to you or anything, but cant you read and feel the flow of the poem?


Majority of the best poems dont rhyme IMO
And I quite liked the poem, post it on the lyrics forum, it'll get much better reviews and such there, rather than the pit of doom
#7
Quote by Hakanku
Well thats quite a thick-headed statement ....not trying to be rude to you or anything, but cant you read and feel the flow of the poem?


Majority of the best poems dont rhyme IMO
And I quite liked the poem, post it on the lyrics forum, it'll get much better reviews and such there, rather than the pit of doom


Just my opinion, poems that rhyme seem a little more thought out and clever to me.
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#8
while i agree that ryming is simple to follow cos it stands out, it is also about the rythem. If you can feel the rythem it was written in, that is just as important. While i am not saying i am a master poet, and by no means i am not, i still thought of the rytem i wrote it in, and fit it to that rythem, but still meant what i was saying.

I appreciate your critsism and understand you veiw.
Again, it is an example and i am just interested to see if anyone else writes.
#9
Quote by Chex
Just my opinion, poems that rhyme seem a little more thought out and clever to me.



Fair enough, I understand where your coming from.
#10
Quote by salemboicot
while i agree that ryming is simple to follow cos it stands out, it is also about the rythem. If you can feel the rythem it was written in, that is just as important. While i am not saying i am a master poet, and by no means i am not, i still thought of the rytem i wrote it in, and fit it to that rythem, but still meant what i was saying.

I appreciate your critsism and understand you veiw.
Again, it is an example and i am just interested to see if anyone else writes.


Thanks. I was a little harsh with the "suck" comment. That's just my close-mindedness.

I'm sure if I really gave it a go I could appreciate it. I'm just a simple person

Btw, ryme = rhyme
ENGL Fireball
Framus 2x12
Ibanez RG1570 - DM Breeds
Epi Les Paul - Warthog Pup
MXR 10 Band EQ
TS9
ISP Decimator
Boss DD3
EHX Holy Grail
EHX Small Clone
Dunlop Crybaby

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=10rdcKp317I - New X-men Theme Vid
#12
lol at 11am? I wouldnt mind being drunk, work is so so boring.
ENGL Fireball
Framus 2x12
Ibanez RG1570 - DM Breeds
Epi Les Paul - Warthog Pup
MXR 10 Band EQ
TS9
ISP Decimator
Boss DD3
EHX Holy Grail
EHX Small Clone
Dunlop Crybaby

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=10rdcKp317I - New X-men Theme Vid