#1
thanks in advance. i got this idea because one of my mom's friends husbands went to iraq a couple of days ago and she's not doing too well. and this is just kinda the stuff she's going through.

V1
you stood in front of him
his eyes locked with yours
so sad on the inside
but you can't let it show
someone gives the final call
and he tells you,
"hunny, it's my turn to go"

v2
People all around you
the noise surrounds you
but you don't hear it
all you hear
is the beating of your heart
as you wach him go

C
But to you i say
no need to fear
he'll be back
'cause he knows his love
will be waiting here

V3
Every night you kneel
at your bedside
and you pray to God
that he's safe
you pray that perfect moment
when he comes home
will be soon

C
But until then
to you i say
no need to fear
he'll be back
'cause he knows his love
will be waiting here

Well if you have any ideas on how to add on, or if its good, or if it sucks, i'd like to hear them. thanks
#2
These lyrics have a great idea behind them, I can see that you were actually thinking of this person you knew when you wrote this and you were not just putting down random thoughts just to sound good. One are for improvement, descriptive words. There are many adjectives and verbs that could sound better, and also better describe the feeling.
#3
hey man. when i read this, i completely fell in love with it. the wording is really great, nothing feels forced, and the flow is all really good.
the second verse is my favourite part. i could totally picture this woman just standing there as her husband walked away from her life.
great job.

darkangel322
The only truly consistent people are dead people.

#4
v2
People all around you
the noise surrounds you
but you don't hear it
all you hear
is the beating of your heart
as you wach him go

^ i love that verse. i can just picture her fixated on him and not caring about anything else that is around her. great job overall. has a really strong meaning behind it
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#5
Quote by Cyclones41
thanks in advance. i got this idea because one of my mom's friends husbands went to iraq a couple of days ago and she's not doing too well. and this is just kinda the stuff she's going through.

V1
you stood in front of him
his eyes locked with yours
so sad on the inside
but you can't let it show
someone gives the final call
and he tells you,
"hunny, it's my turn to go"

i liked v1 except last line dnt know why


v2
People all around you
the noise surrounds you try but noise......you it will add much more meaning
but you don't hear it
all you hear

but you cant hear
since you can hear
sort of an alternate but whatever works for yoy . yours was good also

is the beating of your heart
as you wach him go

C
But to you i say
no need to fear
he'll be back
'cause he knows his love
will be waiting here

chorus ig good dnt change it

V3
Every night you kneel
at your bedside
and you pray to God
that he's safe
you pray that perfect moment
when he comes home
will be soon

C
But until then
to you i say
no need to fear
he'll be back
'cause he knows his love
will be waiting here

Well if you have any ideas on how to add on, or if its good, or if it sucks, i'd like to hear them. thanks



well i liked it . anyway what type of music
Hi
#8
This reminds of a Dixie Chicks song or something. Thats not an insult because I like the ideas that they write about they just tend to tackle them in a very simple straight forward way. This isn't bad though, I think its well written I'm just not so into the subject matter. I'd like to hear it though I think it could make for a good acoustic song.

crit mine?
http://ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=527098
#9
hm, must say very good, i like how u changed the normal perspective from the soldier to the soldiers wife.nice, unique.but to me, V2, it used the word 'you' or 'your' so many times, it wa a bit annoying, but then again i dont see how u could have it anyways, so dont bother with that.nice job, keep it up
#10
I agree with everyone else it is quite good, theres definitely good flow and meaning behind the words
#11
The way it is told is original, I like that. flows well. And I'm sure the music makes you feel it so good job.