#1
This some sort of song/poem i made when felt realy ****ed up so...
Anyway here it is, please leave some comments...

I'M SORRY THAT I LOVED YOU

I'm sorry that I loved you
I'm sorry for the pain
That's all I could think of, that's all I could say
As blood flows out of your veins
I see the life fading from your eyes
And all I could think of are your disguisting lies
As I kiss your poison lips once more
I stumble and fall on your bathroomfloor
I close the door and lock it thight
So I know you'll be safe tonight
I hope they never find you
I hope they never do
So I can see your flesh decay
day by day
piece by piece
Until only dust remains
Tonight you mean everything to me
Tonight you mean everything to me, NO MORE
I wish you we're already dead
I'm killing the picture of you in my head
Screams of help, I cry, until my lungs collapse
HELP ME GET OVER YOU
HELP ME GET OVER YOU
this time...
Here my voice goes to ones and zeros...
#2
Well.. that was a goodwrite
People think im insane becuase i am frowning all the time.
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Member of the Radiohead Fan Club
#3
I don't like it particularly. I would not say that it's a bad piece, and I identified with it emotionally (except for the dying part, obviously). Unfortunately, I found it very unoriginal:

It seemed very cliched in that similar lyrics are written all the time by the likes of Trivium (dying in your arms, people who disagree), My Chemical Romance, Bullet For My Valentine, Good Charlotte, Atreyu, etc.

By the way, I like two of those bands to some extent, so this is not an outright insult - in case you take it that way, I know some people would.
Last edited by break-me-in at Feb 16, 2007,
#4
i could see it going into a song. It definatly doens't sound original but nothing in the kind of genre does anymore (not saying that's a bad thing), this song could be very catchy, mabye i'll sugest structuring it like so..

VERSE ONE (it's a long one)
I'm sorry that I loved you
I'm sorry for the pain
That's all I could think of, that's all I could say
As blood flows out of your veins
I see the life fading from your eyes
And all I could think of are your disguisting lies
As I kiss your poison lips once more
I stumble and fall on your bathroomfloor
I close the door and lock it thight
So I know you'll be safe tonight
I hope they never find you
I hope they never do
So I can see your flesh decay
VERSE 2, CHORUS?
day by day
piece by piece
Until only dust remains
BREAKDOWN
Tonight you mean everything to me
Tonight you mean everything to me, NO MORE
I wish you we're already dead
I'm killing the picture of you in my head
Screams of help, I cry, until my lungs collapse
(REPEAT VERSE2/Chorus)
(OUTRO)
HELP ME GET OVER YOU
HELP ME GET OVER YOU
this time...
#5
It was alright. It could use some work. The flow was off in some places and it stuck out. And yes, it was pretty unoriginal, but you don't have to listen to me for I don't like the genre of Hardore or Screamo or whatever they call it. I thought I should just tell you my opinion.
#6
i seriously loved that. i don't care if its not the most original piece out there. its so filled with emotion that its incredible. i love this part

"I stumble and fall on your bathroomfloor
I close the door and lock it thight
So I know you'll be safe tonight
I hope they never find you
I hope they never do"

its so...intense. yeah, this is awesome. and relatable. i think you captured the emotion of trying to get over someone perfectly.

crit mine?
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=527098