#1
I wrote this with complete sarcasm in mind. listen to it at www.purevolume.com/anie
any thoughts?

Its nice to be the new excuse
To feel so sorry for yourself
I mean you can’t even play the harmonica
And you feel almost as slutty as monica lewinski

And god forbid you screw around
with someone who actually cares
"I mean ew that’s gross!
I hate the thought of being with someone other than a guy
who loves me even though he has 10 other girls on the side"

"we’ve got two years of history
that’s gotta count for something
like endless fights and long goodbyes
but mostly when I f***ed him
you know its hard for a girl like me to have multiple orgasms
and me and my man we’re just going through some problems
yeah me and my guy we’re just going through some problems"

And god forbid you screw around
with someone who actually cares
"I mean ew that’s gross!
I hate the thought of being with someone other than a guy
who loves me even though he has 10 other girls on the side"

you should kiss your memories at night
if that’s the only thing keeping your love alive
I hope its worth it
(I hope its worth it)
its nice to be the new excuse to feel so sorry for yourself
"yeah me and my man we’re just going through some problems"
Last edited by anOnyMouSanIe at Feb 16, 2007,
#2
I didn't much care for your vocals, they seemed a bit whiny and flat. Maybe this music style just isnt my cup of tea. The lyrics kind of dont really make sense to me, but maybe im just dense. One line I didnt like was "I mean ew thats gross" otherwise I guess its ok for that style.
#3
ur vocals arent great but like the guitar was nice. try to articulate a lil more and dont be as whinny. i say 3.5/5 stars. the vocals brought it down
#4
while i appreciate the opinions on my voice...i get mixed reactions but a lot of people like the way I sing as do i so i don't try to change it. its just a style preference but i would like for someone to comment more on the actual lyrics rather than just how the vocals sound. pleasee? c4c if you leave a link.
#5
Its nice to be the new excuse
To feel so sorry for yourself
I mean you can’t even play the harmonica
And you feel almost as slutty as monica lewinski
i dont like the lsat line, the verse was doing fine until it

And god forbid you screw around
with someone who actually cares
I mean ew that’s gross!this line sounds very immature
I hate the thought of being with someone other than a guy
who loves me even though he has 10 other girls on the side

we’ve got two years of history
that’s gotta count for something
like endless fights and long goodbyes
but mostly when I f***ed himthis line is bad, but if u keep it, atleast change it to'but mostly when i ****ed with him
you know its hard for a girl like me to have multiple orgasms
and me and my man we’re just going through some problems
yeah me and my guy we’re just going through some problems
the line about ur orgasms,just takes away wat ever u had going for u in these lyrics

And god forbid you screw around
with someone who actually cares
I mean ew that’s gross!
I hate the thought of being with someone other than a guy
who loves me even though he has 10 other girls on the side

you should kiss your memories at night
if that’s the only thing keeping your love alive
I hope its worth it
(I hope its worth it)
its nice to be the new excuse to feel so sorry for yourself
yeah me and my man we’re just going through some problems
and this verse is my favorite out of all of them


ok, this was overal not bad, but some of ur lines i jsut completely took away from it. saying 'ew thats gross!' and talking about ur orgasms,just messes with it oh, and yea i didnt like ur voice either, sorry
#6
okay this is obviously causing some confusion so i'll try to explain. i'm actually talking from two different perspectives...like when i say:
"I mean ew that’s gross!
I hate the thought of being with someone other than a guy
who loves me even though he has 10 other girls on the side"

I am actually speaking as another person rather than myself and I'm using sarcasm to portray how silly they are being. so the immaturity of how it sounds was actually intended. thanks for the crit though. and i put quotes to make it more clear of when i mean that i'm talking on the other persons perspective.
Last edited by anOnyMouSanIe at Feb 16, 2007,
#7
Overall its not bad and definitely interesting, but it dosen't allways flow. Just tighten it up a bit.
I'm a rockstar without the skills, fame, or income.


Washington Redskins
Last edited by beastiebeatles at Feb 17, 2007,
#9
I love the lyrics and the way you sing it, the lyrics don't make any sense to me but it doesn't have to, i like it
Here my voice goes to ones and zeros...
#10
I always enjoy a little sarcasm in these things. Makes for good stuff. Maybe not as a whole my kind of thing, but pretty good none the less.

I do, however, feel the need to point out that I play the harmonica and it's harder then it looks. No hard feelings, though.
#11
I Like your Sarcasim.
And I heard the Song......I'm Just A Little Vocal Picky.......The Singing Would Be Better

But The Song is good
#12
Quote by anOnyMouSanIe


Its nice to be the new excuse
To feel so sorry for yourself
I mean you can’t even play the harmonica
And you feel almost as slutty as monica lewinski

Last line is a bit of a throw-off. It's awkward. Seems a little too forced.

And god forbid you screw around
with someone who actually cares

This parts okay.

"I mean ew that’s gross!
I hate the thought of being with someone other than a guy
who loves me even though he has 10 other girls on the side"

These lines aren't that great. The first two don't flow very well. The last isn't too bad.

"we’ve got two years of history
that’s gotta count for something
like endless fights and long goodbyes
but mostly when I f***ed him

I never really like the use of profanity in poetry/lyrics. It seems to blunt, and is rarely used in a way benefitting to the piece.

you know its hard for a girl like me to have multiple orgasms
and me and my man we’re just going through some problems
yeah me and my guy we’re just going through some problems"

I really don't like the first line of this part. I get what you're going at, but I think it's the same with fuck, it's too blunt. I prefer subtleties.

you should kiss your memories at night
if that’s the only thing keeping your love alive
I hope its worth it
(I hope its worth it)
its nice to be the new excuse to feel so sorry for yourself
"yeah me and my man we’re just going through some problems"

No problems with this.


Pretty good, obviously quite personal.
Quote by Cal UK
Alk hit the nail on the head there.
#13
i think this song is pretty good and true. it also seems pretty personal to you.

as with the other dude before me, i think f*ck is okay but the monica lewinski and orgasm lines totally throw off the high of the music for me. (maybe thats just me lol )
Quote by Mad Marius
Because there's no point in being on the Internet of you're not gonna act like an arrogant prick.
#14
jeezus christ. i completely loved this.
there was places that made me smile at their sarcasm. i think this is extremely well written. and i like the "i mean ew, thats gross" line. made me laugh, but i still got the point. :P


good job. tahnks for gettin mine.

darkangel322
The only truly consistent people are dead people.

#16
hey again. i listened to it and i think they are pretty good. like the others have said, i think you could be way better if you toned the whininess down a little because overall your tone is pretty good, although i see what your trying to acheive with the whiny thing and it might work if you had it processed a little more. other than that, the guitar was pretty cool, and the melody was great. good job

darkangel322
The only truly consistent people are dead people.

#17
thanks for the double dose of advice. and yeah, hm I don't know what to do about my voice because I also get tons of positive comments. but then again its like people either love or hate it. I kind of wanted some parts such as "i mean ew thats gross" to sound whiney just because in general I am mocking someone else. i will mess around with the vocals and see if i like it better another way.
#18
well the lyrics arent terrible, but i really dont like the "ew thats gross" line or the last line of the first stanza. i think the 'ew thats gross" just takes away from the piece, and the last line of the first stanza just doesnt seem to flow that well. but it wasnt that bad. thanks for the crit. oh and also i'm not really digging the vocals either sorry