#1
Hey, please rate this song. I had a very long period of writer's block and I snapped out of it last night. I don't like my chorus, so I need some ideas for it. Thanks guys, I'll return the rates ASAP.


I’ve seen this before
Played it through in my head
You in his arms
Me wishing I were dead

If he is all you’ve ever wanted
And you are all I’ll never get
Go off now
I really hope you’re happy
I see your actions
I would bet
You’re one hell of a shot for broken hearts and lost causes
I’m ready if you are
So just load and fire
The sooner the better

Your finger on the trigger is as good as this will get
I give in
I give up
Well let’s just get this over with
Let’s just get this over with

I don’t want your useless explanations
Don’t tell me what I already know
I’ll forgive
Not forget
This undeniable truth
Is a reason for regret
Our unspoken words reveal our intentions
With our unsure minds, let’s say anything may happen
So just load and fire, the sooner the better

Your finger on the trigger is as good as this will get
I give in
I give up
Well let’s just get this over with
Let’s just get this over with

Confused reactions
And unclear distractions
A helpless game of smoke and mirrors
A hope in the darkness
And a light at the end of the tunnel
Now who will turn the lights back on
And snap us back to our senses
Lead us out of the tunnel
And destroy the darkness
That blurs our minds and our emotions
So go ahead, load and fire, the sooner the better

Your finger on the trigger is as good as this will get
I give in
I give up
Well let’s just get this over with
Let’s just get this over with

This will always stay with me
It’s something I will never let go
These feelings of jealousy and spite
Will do nothing except grow
So don’t even try to tell me
Of what you think I’m not aware
Don’t lie to me or deceive me
I hope you wouldn’t even dare
Because I hope you realize
Everything you say
I already know
So for this last time, load and fire, the sooner the better

Your finger on the trigger is as good as this will get
I give in
I give up
Well let’s just get this over with
Let’s just get this over with
#2
First off, I want to say that I liked this song more at the point where you were being less obvious and more metaphorical. The message doesn't need to be so clear as you made it at some points, you could leave it with the shooting metaphor rather than spelling it out.

This brings me to the first verse. I like the first two lines, but as a whole, this first part is very unnecessary. It just immediately tells the audience exactly what's happening. There's no need to, and I would remove it.

Next, this part:
If he is all you’ve ever wanted
And you are all I’ll never get
Go off now
Essentially the same criticisms as the first stanza, except 'go off now' made me cringe. The three lines afterwards, I'm unsure of. They're not bad, but neither do they add to the piece. After that, it improves, mainly because of this line, which is great:
You’re one hell of a shot for broken hearts and lost causes

You then began with your metaphor of a gunshot for your heartache. You bring this up several times in the song and if I were you, I'd make that the main topic, so that it could be taken both literally and metaphorically.
I liked this line particularly:
Your finger on the trigger is as good as this will get
I'd switch "I give in, I give up" for "I give up, I give in". I can't really say why, b

After this, there were two very good verses, but the last verse was weak and, again, obvious.

There, done.
Overall, good, but there were a few parts I just thought you should scrap. Still that's my opinion, I prefer the metaphorical style you took for some of it.
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