#1
ok i am rally bored and i was looking for some joke threads but there all on certain ones so this thread can say any joke (try not to be too racist) beacuse i dont want people offended awell heres a couple of mine.


What's the difference between oral sex & anal sex?

Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak.


Two eggs boiling in a pan, one male and one female.
The female egg says "Look, I've got a crack"
"No good telling me" replies the male egg "I'm not hard yet"


Two peanuts walk into a bar.
One was a salted.


What do you do with a years worth of used condoms?
Melt them, turn them into tire and call it a goodyear

A plane was going to crash into the middle of the sea. a woman stands up in the plane and says "who wants to make me feel like a real woman" a man stands up holding a t-shirt and replies "ok iron this"
#2
How does a German penguin use the telephone?

Lol, GREEN! Because you can't use your hands!
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#3
What is overlooked, beside the "Log out" button, and is never used?

The Search Button!
No sig...wait...nevermind
#5
huh i dont get it^

EDIT: the german phone penguin green joke-whatever it was about
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Freeze...WTF?
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#6
some kids are playing hide & seek..one of them hiding in a "new garbage bin" in front of his house. this garbage bin was still new and didnt have been used yet...then suddenly the garbage collecter came. without any noticed that the boy was inside it,the garbage collecter threw the kid inside the.........ooooohhhh
#7
a hydrogen atom walks into a bar, and he's crying his eyes out. the bartender asks, "why are you so sad?" the hydrogen atom says, "I've lost my electron!" the bartender replies, "are you sure?" the hydrogen atom says, "yes, i'm positive!"


god damn, i feel like a nerd.
Go Veg.
#8
Quote by im not mental
god damn, i feel like a nerd.

Why? Just because it has to do with science?

Quote by emad
jthm_guitarist
Warned for trolling!


Quote by metal4eva_22
Didn't you say that you had a stuffed fox that you would occasionally fuck?

Quote by Axelfox
It's not a fox,it's a wolf.
#9
Quote by im not mental
a hydrogen atom walks into a bar, and he's crying his eyes out. the bartender asks, "why are you so sad?" the hydrogen atom says, "I've lost my electron!" the bartender replies, "are you sure?" the hydrogen atom says, "yes, i'm positive!"


god damn, i feel like a nerd.


My science teacher told us that last week and she told it like the sea cucumber joke in finding nemo. She was always saying that atoms can't talk but they can in the joke and they can't walk. I felt sorry for how clueless she was.
#11
Quote by im not mental
a hydrogen atom walks into a bar, and he's crying his eyes out. the bartender asks, "why are you so sad?" the hydrogen atom says, "I've lost my electron!" the bartender replies, "are you sure?" the hydrogen atom says, "yes, i'm positive!"


god damn, i feel like a nerd.


ahhahahahahhahhahahahaahhaahahahhaahahha
#13
Quote by HaKattack
Here's a joke: this thread!!


hahahahaha


I thought of that when I saw this thread at first. But, then, I realized it wasn't very funny.
Click for charity.

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92% of UGers jump on annoying bandwagons. Don't put this in your sig if you're one of the 8% with an opinion.
#14
Quote by raisinbran
Woman's Rights.



I have a better one:

Your grammatical skills.
i hope they cannot see
the limitless potential
building inside of me
to murder everything
i hope they cannot see
i am the great destroyer
#17
Quote by idontloveyou
I have a better one:

Your grammatical skills.


Fuck off bitch. OH noes he put a capital by accidentz l0l!

Seriously, get a fucking life you twat.

Oh, and if that was supposed to be a joke, then wow, work on it.
#18
Quote by raisinbran
Fuck off bitch. OH noes he put a capital by accidentz l0l!

Seriously, get a fucking life you twat.



Actually, cumwad, I was talking about the fact that he wrote "Woman's" (singular form) instead of "Women's" (plural form); the proper way to form the statement. =_=;

Oh, and shut the hell up before I stick a screwdriver through your testes.
i hope they cannot see
the limitless potential
building inside of me
to murder everything
i hope they cannot see
i am the great destroyer
#20
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Ipe
Ipe-who
Haha you poo.

███
██████████
███████████
██████
████████
#21
Quote by idontloveyou
Actually, cumwad, I was talking about the fact that he wrote "Woman's" (singular form) instead of "Women's" (plural form); the proper way to form the statement. =_=;

Oh, and shut the hell up before I stick a screwdriver through your testes.

Wouldn't it be "Womens' Rights"?
#22
Quote by Gyroscope
Wouldn't it be "Womens' Rights"?



... Ooh, I'm gay.
I missplaced it.
I should kill myself. o_o


Eh, let the Jack Daniels speak for me.
And I'm Canadian, I don't count as a human anyway.
i hope they cannot see
the limitless potential
building inside of me
to murder everything
i hope they cannot see
i am the great destroyer
#23
No, it's actually "women's" because women is already plural, you don't have to double-pluralise it. If anyone speaks Spanish, it's like the word "gente" means "the people" but still gets a singular article.
Can't stop the signal.
#24
No, "Womens'" makes it posessive.
I fail at life.
i hope they cannot see
the limitless potential
building inside of me
to murder everything
i hope they cannot see
i am the great destroyer
#25
Quote by sexybeast101
whats the difference between a hard working n igger and bigfoot?
bigfoot has been spotted!

what do a hard working n igger and bigfoot have in common?
they're both myths!



What's the difference between your post and rape?


Most rapes go unreported!


*reported*, you racist prick.
<Han> I love Hitler
#26
so, irish man walks past a bar!
Quote by AzureNight
Don't worry guys, he's just bitter because he has a small dick.


Quote by Alexander_BR
You know that good feeling when you take a crap, gay sex is like that


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#28
Quote by HaKattack
What's the difference between your post and rape?


Most rapes go unreported!


*reported*, you racist prick.



How come you do not see any aboriginals in Star Trek?

They don't work in the future either!!!!!!!
Quote by Hellish_Wolf
I can see it now, in a year we will have kids walking up to girls "Hey baby, my career score on guitar hero is over 3 mill, ooooooh yeeah"



IS THAT SYRUP IN YOUR PANTS OR ARE YOU JUST HAPPY TO SEE ME??!!
#29
What do you call a crocodile on a skateboard?

F ucking clever


What does a baby in a blender sound like?

Don't know, I couldn't hear for wanking so hard
Psycho Killer,
Qu'est-ce que c'est?
Fa fa fa faa fa fa fa fa-fa faa


Quote by Paul Brannigan
Pie is like bread, but just with more pie in it
#30
Quote by Teh1337Hax0rz
so, irish man walks past a bar!


congratulations, you made my night.
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ALL HAIL DYSTOPIA!!!

Angry Mob
#31
Why are white people white?

Because they are covered in semen.


Why are black people black?

Because God hates them.
#32
What do you call a crowd of white people running down a hill?
Avalanche

What do you call a crowd of Mexicans running down a hill?
Mudslide

What do you call a crowd of black people running down a hill?
Jail break
Psycho Killer,
Qu'est-ce que c'est?
Fa fa fa faa fa fa fa fa-fa faa


Quote by Paul Brannigan
Pie is like bread, but just with more pie in it
#33
I think I'm a closet racist all these jokes made me laugh even though I'm mentally like "hey that's not funny it's just racist"
#34
meh, don't worry about it.
I laugh at them too but I'm not racist
I laugh at dead baby jokes but I'm not a paedo murderer! lol

ooooh

how do you stop a baby crawling in circles?
nail it's other hand to the floor.

how many dead babies does it take to paint a wall?
depends how hard you throw them.

what do you do when you see your TV floating away in the middle of the night?
shoot the black guy.
Quote by REBAN primusfan
i enjoy getting boners. they make me feel important.


Quote by chubbychunks
George Lucas didn't invent Christianity, although he was a big contributor.