#1
Your cold face cuts the glass,

Casts a picture-perfect scene

No sympathy blowin'

Blowin' in that southern breeze.

You find yourself kickin'

Strung up with no friendly face

An' all the room you'll need…

You'll find six feet in your grave.



Fancied yourself, in a small world

An' now you'll never know

'Cause Paradise won't wait



You keep your friends on ice,

An' out of arms reach-

Just when your enemies;

Are come hiding in your sheets.

Thank you darlin', you sure

Don't cut no ice with my mood

'Cause I'll be laughin' last,

Now that I'm not missing you.

Not missing you, not missing you



(Guitar)



When I hooked a line she,

Threw her diamonds in my face.

An' she promised as sure,

As the sun sets on fortune lane-

You'll hit a near miss in

Some two-dollar motel room

Collapsin' you veins,

To the clickin' of a New York groove.



I'm not missing you, not missing you



Fancied yourself, an' now little girl,

You'll never have

Times Like Yesterdays

Paradise can't wait, an you'll never have

Times Like Yesterdays

tell me what you think crit4crit n all
#2
I really loved it. Unfortunately, there's nothing much else that I can say. Ok, it wasn't the most original work ever, but it was still very creative and fun. Would make a good straight-up rock song, acoustic, or possibly even country (but I don't like country.)

So, yeah, good work.

Oh, one more thing, put less space between the lines. It takes their effect away and makes it harder to read. Seriously, I read it by quoting it and then shoving the verses together.
I play by my own rules. And I have one rule; There are no rules... but if there are, they're there to be broken. Even this one.


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