#1
(VERSE)
War is dangerous
I know!
You better watch your back
I know that!
Get ready for it, then
Okay!
Well I hope you do
Kno-ow that!
Shards of fury everywhere
Dead man!
Well I hope you fare
Dead man, dead!
Cos your gonna need it
Okay!
Well your a
De-ad man!
(PRE CHORUS)
Going into battle
Last chance of hope
As it rang out
(CHORUS)
Warsong!
War(or,or)song!
Pain and fury everywhere
Warsong!
Death from above or everywhere
(VERSE)
Help me!
Told you not to go into this
Help me now!
Good luck getting out of it!
Oh no!
Well too late for
He-lp!
Last man standing among the flames
****ed up!
Shadows hiding among the wails
****ed up bad!
Your not coming home
Okay!
(PRE CHORUS)
Coming out of battle
No chance of hope
As it rang out
(CHORUS)
Warsong!
War(or,or)song!
Bones and lives everywhere
Warsong!
(Solo Pt. 1)
(INTERLUDE)
I can't go anywhere
I love you too much
Help me get out of here
(Solo Pt. 2)
(PRE CHORUS)
Coming from the battle
Without a doubt
As it rang out
(CHORUS)
Warsong!
War(or,or)song!
Life coming back everywhere
Warsong!
(OUTRO)
Help me! (Warsong!)
Save me! (Warsong!)
Keep me! (Warsong!)
Too... late...

first song. ever. keep in mind im 13.

crit plz.
Last edited by Arlabester at Feb 17, 2007,
#3
Are you really 13?

Here's my Crit boy, This Song Looks Too Messy,
But If this is your first song.....I'd Give it A 6.5/10
#6
k well, you've got a good idea going here, i interpreted it as people or someone eager for war, so eager they basically lack regard for there own safety and end up dead hah, thats what i got from it anyways, but see, i think u could take it deeper than that. like, generalize it, say, someone is so eager for something, that they just go ahead and get on with it or do it, not realizing until it is to late that they've went to far, no turning back, or maybe that, this thing they were so eager for, wasnt what they expected, and they shouldnt have maybe gotten involved.

and ya, keep on writing, its good to start out young, i only started maybe a month ago and im 15 but i wish i wouldve started writing years ago, you know, collect ideas and stuff. good luck!
#8
I think you're on to something here. I have no idea how this would sound when you're singing it, but I assume it would be allll over the place with the vocals. In which case, I think that's a pretty cool way to portray the "heat of battle". That's how I interpretted it, good job.
#9
thanks guys. this song is dedicated to my uncle john who died in 'nam. yeah. its more of a hard rock/metal song. its fast paced. theres no screaming though.
#10
OK, this isn't bad, but it did confuse me slightly. The idea is as clear as day and the sense of a fiery, battle-hungry spirit is well captured. But it is a bit shallow. With a song about war, imagery is probably the most important thing, and if it's not there the song will feel flat. True, there were images in this ('last man standing among the flames', etc), but they were overcrowded by the generic 'help me!' and 'oh no!' moments that just don't work in music. So more imagey would have been nice.
Lastly, I'm still not sure what type of song this is, or how it sounds. Is it a rap song, or a two-way dialogue over sound effects and the like? Or maybe it's a heavy metal scream-a-thon over ear-crushing guitar and cymbal smashes. That was confusing bit, so the bottom-line is: MAKE YOUR INTENTIONS CLEAR.

Overall though, I did like this. As I said, the idea is well captured and the panicky, desperate atmosphere was effective. Good work, there's a lot of potential here.
'Can I have a picture of you tonight?
Keep it with me always in my mind.'
-Snow Patrol, '15 Minutes Old'
#11
its a rock song. a little of thrash i guess, but theres no screaming in the lyrics.

id put up the power tab, but i dont know how to.