#1
verse
A cleared path of a ritual in the horizon
ones faith is questioned by the hate that he faced an has been hiding
No fears to react an no pain to retract,but soon the blood will be flying
lets face the facts
With your mind spinning an weaving a web,
you get tangled up an lost in the words that were left unsaid
Dream the things of yesterday hold up your heart from the
snatching pain, but forever lost in a thought, you discovered a pride
an left your past behind, the grave of yourself is the only way
hey its just the darekst faith

chours
Just light up, an break
I think its time to flush away all the pain
It's just my darkest faith.
Open an sound like a tornado of my sleeping rain
Awake your eyes to the sound of the rain
awake your eyes to the burning flame
awake to your ever lasting pain

verse two
i know what your thinking, but dont go back
put it all behind dont let the past pull you back
the things that stab inside, an take your pride
all the things you need to kno, all the questions that you just cant hide
just kill it all, an take a breath, before you kno it you will be put to the test
you feel alone an no one can understand, but hey we all feel like that
just take my hand an lets face the facts
you fell in a ditch at the starting gun, maybe you tripped during the
starting run, and at the night, just before the fight
you held ur head, but ur heart was dying
all along the ocean the reflection of your crying
but dont put it up dont put it away, its just a reflection
you gotta fight the pain, im starting to flee to this place
a place called the darkest faith
chours again
well everyone was mixing rap an rock lately so i thought hell wheres my turn lol
Last edited by lester2215 at Feb 22, 2007,
#2
Hi Lester!

Even though I'm not a fan of fusing rock and rap I can honestly say i enjoyed reading this.

The imagery is all really good, I particularly like the line "snatching pain", the sound of "snatching" reflects pain really well because it's sharp sounding (there's a specific word for that particular literary technique)

Some of the lines sound a bit out of place, for instance "all along the ocean the reflection of your crying / but dont put it up dont put it away, its just a reflection", although this is quite possible where you use line elision/extension as some rappers (and non-rappers) do.

Lastly, I'd just check the spelling, which can be a major turn off to many.

I think that this has gallon upon gallon of potential, so kudos to you my friend.

Please could you crit me back? (link at end of sig)

Much obliged
#4
This Really looks good......the only thing I found Weird was some Spelling error's
(but Hey, We All can't be perfect, right?)
But Over all Partner, out of 10, I'd Give your song a 8.5

Keep up the work

Check my songs bro
#6
That was really awesome, the rap influence was interesting, even though I'm not a huge rhyming fan. Really great metaphor use, was really powerful, keep up the good work. Mind checking out mine here ? Thanks a ton.
#7
thanks for all the input an stuff on the song guys!! i appreciate it! anytime u need a crit u can count on me.
Last edited by lester2215 at Feb 18, 2007,