#1
This is song I wrote with Disasterpiece from here.

Verse-1

[(Joey)]
You sit there
In your smug world
Blinded by your ignorance
Fooled by your greed

[(Allen)]
You sit there and judge
When you are the one guilty
Your so busy condemning me
When your the one in trouble

[(Joey)]
You sit there in your world-1
Blinded by your vanity -2
Unaware of the truth-3
You talk shit-4

[(Allen)]
Better than everyone else-1
You're so ****ING vain-2
Your just like me-3
But you can't back it up-4

Verse-2

How can you say
That you are so much better
When you refuse to look
At the monster you are inside

Your time has come
To fess up to your actions
Your high horse is wrecked
By the ones you saw unfit

[(Joey)]
You have been dethroned-1
Your imperfections have been shown-2
Your stupidity has killed you-3
Let me help you-4

[(Allen)]
Justice is here-1
You soulless coward-2
Your ignorance is staggering-3
Just drop from existence-4

Verse-3
Your so broken
And I love every minute of it
You pathetic waste
You are about to get what you deserve

You cast judgement
And I'm done with your shit
You can try
BUT YOU CAN'T ****ING CHANGE ME!!!!!!!!!!

[(Joey)]
You sit there in your world-1
Blinded by your vanity -2
Unaware of the truth-3
You talk shit-4

[(Allen)]
Better than everyone else-1
You're so ****ING vain-2
Your just like me-3
But you can't back it up-4
#3
ok dude, first no bumping. and make sure to crit 'upon the unknown' when u get the time.


[(Joey)]
You sit there
In your smug world
Blinded by your ignorance
Fooled by your greed

[(Allen)]
You sit there and judge
When you are the one guilty
Your so busy condemning me
When your the one in trouble
in trouble seems not descriptive enoguh to me

[(Joey)]
You sit there in your world-1
Blinded by your vanity -2
Unaware of the truth-3
You talk shit-4
the last line is a little to short, try adding to it, plus i dontget the numbers.

[(Allen)]
Better than everyone else-1
You're so ****ING vain-2
Your just like me-3
But you can't back it up-4
i dont see why allen would say ur like me wen it seems like they are insulting each other

Verse-2

How can you say
That you are so much better
When you refuse to look
At the monster you are inside
i dont like monster, mabe demon?

Your time has come
To fess up to your actions
Your high horse is wrecked
By the ones you saw unfit

[(Joey)]
You have been dethroned-1
Your imperfections have been shown-2
Your stupidity has killed you-3
Let me help you-4
the last line is a bit to short, try adding to it.

[(Allen)]
Justice is here-1
You soulless coward-2
Your ignorance is staggering-3
Just drop from existence-4
once again, last line isnt ass good as the rest. just drop fro mexistence, try rewording/using differnt words

Verse-3
Your so broken
And I love every minute of it
You pathetic waste
You are about to get what you deserve
last line is a bit too long for my tastes, but not bad

You cast judgement
And I'm done with your shit
You can try
BUT YOU CAN'T ****ING CHANGE ME!!!!!!!!!!
line 3 is a bit too short

[(Joey)]
You sit there in your world-1
Blinded by your vanity -2
Unaware of the truth-3
You talk shit-4
last line is a bit too short imo

[(Allen)]
Better than everyone else-1
You're so ****ING vain-2
Your just like me-3
But you can't back it up-4


ok not bad, some of the convo confused me, but its pretty good. seemed to me like u were having problem closing off the verses. and its probly how u wanted it, but some of the short lines got a little annoying, and i dont get the whole numbers next to some of the lines. overall, pretty cool and new way to present ur material.
7.8/10

crit upon the unknown if u could