#1
Ok, this may be the weakest piece I've posted on this board yet, but then again that's why we post, right? To get some constructive feedback so that we can examine and improve. The main problem is all the mention of fading, I think. Probably a bit too overused in music generally. I'm also wondering about the spoken word part at the beginning.

Also, even though I'm really new, since this is my third song up, would anyone consider nominating me for WOTM? (I promise you my other work is better, there are links in my sig.)


Life Support

Intro (spoken):
The pain gets worse each day. I think part of it is the psychological despair that I’m going through, thinking of all the things I’ll never do. I know these are my last days, and maybe that’s a part of what is killing me.


Pre-Chorus:
Feeling,
Harder to breathe,
And harder to see,

Chorus:
From my lungs to my brain,
Spreading all my pain,
My body is inflamed,
My consciousness it fades,

Now I’m stuck on life support,
Breathing through a machine,
And words can barely report,
The pain and grief I’ve seen,

Now I’m stuck on life support,
Breathing through a machine,
And I can barely even talk,
My vision blends red with blue with green,

Pre-Chorus
Chorus

Now I’m stuck on life support,
Breathing through a machine,
And as all my pain contorts,
I kiss goodbye all of my dreams,

Now I’m stuck on life support,
Breathing through a machine,
Impossible to gather thoughts,
Forgetting all I’ve ever been,

Pre-Chorus
Chorus

Outro:
Fades away with me,
Fades away with me,
Fades away with me,
Fades away with me…
I play by my own rules. And I have one rule; There are no rules... but if there are, they're there to be broken. Even this one.


Confused? Good.

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Last edited by break-me-in at Feb 18, 2007,