#1
This is about the First World War, and adresses the topics of war, sanity, and death. It's intended as a metal song (probably why it's so long). I'm not completely satisfied with it, I think it's actually got too much rhyming in it, and I also think I made it needlessly long. Since I also had a fair bit of material left over, I'm thinking of cutting this and making two songs about war with a different, less standard rhyme scheme.

I'll try and return critiques, as always. I'm also hoping to get nominated for WOTM but that's looking bleak, and so far as I know, nobody has commented my other most recent piece, Life Support, so maybe check that out too? (You know you want to).

Anyway, tell me what you think:


Never Smile Again

“Welcome to your hell,
Dank and filled with mud,
The devil’s citadel,
Painted with your blood,”
Sound of dropping shells,
Barking of the guns,
Make my ears swell,
Then silence. Leaves me numb,

Chorus:
Hear the silenced cries,
Of a thousand dead men,
Look them in their eyes,
And you’ll never smile again,
Hear the silenced screams,
Of a thousand corpses,
Haunting all your dreams,
So you’ll never smile again,

We march to our tomb,
In fields of the damned,
Where we’ll meet our doom,
Our bodies never found,
I’ve marched for so long,
My legs are wearing thin,
My soul gets wrong,
And I’m choking on the sin,

Chorus

We run for our lives,
Through fields of despair,
Fears stab like knives,
Become too much to bear,
Darkness fills the skies,
Killing fills the air,
Shelter in our minds,
Can be found nowhere,

Chorus

Stumble in the dirt,
Stagger on my dark thoughts,
Can’t even tell my hurt,
Insane and overwrought,
I give my resignation,
Body broken, torn,
Death is resonating,
I put on my crown of thorns,

Bridge x4:
Out in the trenches,
Where we sleep in the mud,
Out of the trenches,
Where we all turn to blood,

Chorus
I play by my own rules. And I have one rule; There are no rules... but if there are, they're there to be broken. Even this one.


Confused? Good.

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LET ME HUMP YOU DAMMIT
#2
Sigh, I'm giving you a warning, I know it seems harsh, but I closed a thread of yours when you first joint and asked you to read the FAQ, you obviously didn't so its a warning.

1 per day 2 per week.
Filth, pure filth... That's what you are.