#1
Its a rap, obviously.
c4c




I spit fists at the heart of the system,
Words meant to penetrate,
Words that can exonerate

Cuz freedom has a price
in the land of the free,
You breath in the air,
Get sick,
And now your history

Cuz medicair wont cover that shit,
There busy givin drugs to the ones who don’t need it
Hook um up, you gotta hook um up.
Got you addicted, now your a ****up

And you eat all the lies that they feed
While the veil of the media,
Prevents the truth from reachin ya.

And you cant see the good in life
while ya pockets being drained,
You livin on the street,
accept it like its preordained.
Last edited by Smoothrider_41 at Feb 18, 2007,
#2
Pretty cool. I definitely feel an influence from RAtM


Lyrically, it's solid and has a consistent sentiment of anger, though rhythmically it's hard for me to pick up the flow just from the text alone. Still, the lines are strong and definitely carry a powerful message. I especially like the last two lines, "You livin on the street, accept it like its preordained."


Crit for crit?
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=500906
#4
good message, i like your thinking. definitley wouldnt make the radio, but thats a good thing in my mind haha. that means you're writing something that has substance. the "hook em up, gotta hook em up" is a cool verse, i just think the line after that should be changed to be something more powerful, because its pretty weak, and it ruins the strong message your trying to get across in that particular stanza. overall though i like it a lot, i think i could collab with you being that i love to write raps, especially socially concious ones.