#1
Okay here's a song i'm writting and here's what i got so far i know a few things will probally need to be changed but if anyone has time please crit and let me know what you think of it!


Shine

the silence never breaks with us,
it always comes to losing control,
before we take it step by step,
we gotta feel what's in our soul,
what's in our soul,

i wanna breathe,
i wanna live,
i wanna see the world,
and not give into the rest,
who try to pull us down,
who never let our light shine bright enough,
to see our dreams,
the ones we have,
the ones we share,
the ones that makes our love stand it's ground,

sing me your softest,
your softest lullaby,
the one that makes it all alright,
bring me your only,
and i'll make it my everything,
my everything to shine this one last day,
this one last day
#2
I love it. I don't really see anything to improve on. The flow was fine and undisturbed most of the song. You managed to remain cliche free and set up great descriptions. Nice vocab, by the way. One thing though, the middle verse, to me, doesn't seem up to par with the rest. It's great, but just not as great as the rest. Awesome job, man.
Cause I love feelin' dirty
And I love feelin' cheap
And I love it when you hurt me
So drive those staples deep
#3
Thanx for the comment man, yea the middle verse i'm thinking about spacing the vocals out alittle bit and i mean i might change it alittle bit to help the flow but pretty much just go for a nice sound on this one!
#6
i liked your piece alot and i dont see any problem with second verse all of it can be fit onto the music provided its the right one .it may be a bit of test for vocals but the lyrics are gr8. i liked it
Hi
#7
second verse is pretty solid bro, this songs pretty great!!. I love the second verse,
all i have to say is
W
O
O
T
lol good job!!!
#8
Thanx for the comments guys, i just wrote this peice with a melody already in place so i didn't know if the lyrics in writting would be a good as they are sung but i'm glad everyone thinks their good!
#9
well since the lyrics seem fine i guess i'm gonna go work on putting some guitar parts to it then add in drums and bass if need! so next question acoustic or full band?