#1
ok a friend and i are having a competition. we have to create 5 ideas that would be seen in a TV sketch show. now i've got mine. but im not happy with them, im just not a comedy thinker. so i thought i'd run it past UG to see if you can help me improve it etc.

theres money involved (a whole £20) and i want to win it

now its difficult because i have certain ways that i imagine the actors to be doing it. and i'd imagine you would be thinking of it different so its hard to imagine. but please help me win. here they are:

Idea 1
Setting: School playground:

A girl (14-15) is standing there, with a group of boys throwing bits of paper at her and giggling. A kid is laughing a long with it and wants to join in, so he gets a brick of the ground and throws at her. The girl falls to the ground; everyone stops and looks at the kid. The kid starts laughing psychotically.

OR

One boy is throwing paper at the girl and laughing. A demolition ball swings out of nowhere and sends him flying.

Idea 2
Setting: School playground.

2 girls talking:

Girl 1: “everytime I try to talk to John, he’s not interested.”

Girl 2: “you just gotta try and talk about stuff that guys talk about.”

Girl 1: “yeah?”

Girl 2: “yeah, look, he’s with his mates now, go over there and get involved in the conversation.”

Girl 1 one smiles and walks over to the group of boys who are laughing and joking. She steps in to the group of guys and says, in a deeper voice:

Girl 1: “ yeah, so I was just errr. Yano, having a mega power wank last night. Oh, it was great I err, splooged all over the place. Was well good.. Corrr wanking etc. good aint it. I do it 3 times a day” Girl 1 laughs.

The group of guys looks at her in disgust. One guy, ‘pie slaps’ the girl, slowly, still keeping his facial expressions the same.

Idea 3
Setting: House

A kid is sitting on the computer surfing the net. An error box pops up. The boy looks at it and he looks shocked. He panics shouts “MUM” in a panicked, psychotic voice, screaming it over and over. The mum comes in and the child says “WHAT THE **** DO I DO MUM!” the child then screams madly and throws a punch at his mother knocking her out.
Idea 4
Setting: Park.

A man in a suit is standing in the park rubbing his hands together looking slightly happy. He looks at his watch. A man in a suit walks up behind him.

Man 1: alright mate.

Man 2: yea yea yea yea. Dave can’t make it by the way.

Man 1 head buts Man 2 and walks off.

Idea 5
Setting: zebra crossing outside a school.

The lollipop man is man who is a safety freak and is acting like it’s almost a war.

There are some kids at the side of the road, the lollipop man says to the kids “ok kids here we go” in a voice like he’s about to go and die.

The lollipop man runs out into the middle of the road shouting “STOP YOUR ****ING CAR!!!!”
The person in the car looks shocked.

Lollipop man: “come on kids! Go go go go go go!!!!! COME ON DO YOU WANNA ****ING DIE OR WHAT”

the children run past screaming and crying.


help
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METALLICA AT WEMBLEY 08/07/07
#3
some of those just fucing suck to be honest, but i think the schoolyard ones have potential, i like the one about the kid throwing the brick, although it was only good for one giggle, you need to expand it, i thought the ones about kids were funniest, so maybe start again, and just brainstorm a few skits about children, do like monty python did, take a normal situation and flip it on its head, you can do it throgh role reversal(eg the kid scolding the teacher, the robber chasing the policeman), or by introducing something absolutley absurd into the mix of just a normal situation, good luck to you
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#4
well ya, they are random. thats what i aimed for. you don't expect things like that to happen. i thought it was funny. my last few ideas were my worst. ran out of ideas.
Quote by Samnung
im gunna rape u

Quote by GuitarManiac09
Stay away you freak....I dont want you spreading your hideous crab population..




METALLICA AT WEMBLEY 08/07/07
#5
You're very right, you're not a comedy thinker. Have a brownie point for observational skills.
#6
randomness is not always funny, especially when the audience are not "in" on the joke, you know whyits funny, but they might be expecting so much more, you need a bit of randomness, you do need that little x factor of spontanaiety(which i cant spell) to make a good sketch great. so just expand on the good ideas, take the school yard for instance, everybody has experienced a school yard, stick to the traditional roles of a bully, a nerd, a jock...etc, stuff people can relate to, then take a situation involving a few of these characters, and throw something absolutley random into the mix, then write it all dow, leave it for a while, read it again and see what else you can throw in that will completley **** the whole thing up, and do this untill its funny
UG Irish Clan-Póg mo thóin
#15 Ramones Worshipper RAMONES PM hardrock1315 to join.
#7
Brick one is funny, wanking one is funny, the kid punching his mom makes no sense, men in park make no sense, crossing-guard one is funny.

Although they're way too short to ever appear on a sketch show, keep that in mind.
Dancing in your dust, I'll see ya...
#9
lol, this isnt for a a TV show or anything. this is 2 kids messing about. will it win me my £20 or not? its 2 16 year olds. not professional comedians. i just want some cash.
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im gunna rape u

Quote by GuitarManiac09
Stay away you freak....I dont want you spreading your hideous crab population..




METALLICA AT WEMBLEY 08/07/07
#10
Quote by dumps


A girl (14-15) is standing there, with a group of boys throwing bits of paper at her and giggling. A kid is laughing a long with it and wants to join in, so he gets a brick of the ground and throws at her. The girl falls to the ground; everyone stops and looks at the kid. The kid starts laughing psychotically.




That's not funny, that's just ****ed up.
Dickless.
#11
The Idea with the 2 girls talking, and Girl 1 walks up to the guys and starts talking like them... =

That was fantastic.
#12
very good dark humour, didnt like the computer one. I've seen worse on TV. I think the slapping the girl one would be better if he said 'You disgust me' when he slapped her. she falls over and faints, and as she lays on the floor unconcious teh camera zooms in on an open locket with a picture of the boy in.
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Oh ****

Aaaah well. It gives me an excuse to rape.


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#13
Quote by dumps
lol, this isnt for a a TV show or anything. this is 2 kids messing about. will it win me my £20 or not? its 2 16 year olds. not professional comedians. i just want some cash.


depends.. if your friend has a worse comedic mind than you do, then yes. but dont count on it. your ideas suck.

the ones about the kids have hope, but you kill them at the end.
When I hit 'em from the back, I got them mami's saying dammit man.


When I put it in their mouth, I got them mami's saying duh-huh-huh-muhh.
#14
See, I actually like these, in the main, because of the way I am viewing them in my head. But the wanking one, thats the worst I think .

The first one, instead of having him laughing after, have him laughing along with the others at first and then when they all stop, he justs looks around sheepishly.

And I dont know why , but the head butt one , when I played it in my head was quite amusing...even though it was stupid.
There is poetry in despair.