#1
Sooo Yeah....This Is For Jill<3


We Break Hearts Almost Everyday
Its Just A Matter Of Time Before One Of Us Say
I Think Its Time To Call It Quits


I Can't Stand To Watch You Fall Apart
I Know You Feel The Same Deep Down In Your Heart
So Lets Just Call It Quits


And You Know I Will Always Love You
But Lately Its Been So Hard To Show You
But I Will Miss You On Cold Tuesday Mornings
Its Easy To See Love Is Tearing Us Apart
I Don't Want To Believe It But To Ignore It Is Hard
And You Know You'll Always Hold A Place In My Wasted Heart


I Can't See 'Cos Its Got So Dark
And No Light Shines From A Shredded Heart
I Think Its Time To Call It Quits


I Only Want Whats Best For You
But If We Carry On Like This You'll Get Fed Up Too
So Lets Just Call It Quits


Its Easy To See Love Is Tearing Us Apart
I Don't Want To Believe It But To Ignore It Is Hard
And You Know You'll Always Hold A Place In My Wasted Heart


So This Is It
Calling It Quits
This Is it
Calling It Quits


And You Know I Will Always Love You
But Lately Its Been So Hard To Show You
But I Will Miss You On Cold Tuesday Mornings
Its Easy To See Love Is Tearing Us Apart
I Don't Want To Believe It But To Ignore It Is Hard
And You Know You'll Always Hold A Place In My Wasted Heart
#7
i liked it one should write cliches in a new manner and i found that here . that was good
Hi
#8
i can imagine this being like a good song!! but im not sure how u sing it lol but eh im sure its good anyway you sing it. I kinda feel like that right now myself, calling it quits..so i can relate to it. But hey its pertty kool!! Kinda three doors down sounding!!
#9
Must you capitalize every word?

It's VERY cliched. Try thinking outside the box. To be honest, every time I see the word "heart" in a love song, it makes me angry. Use imagery that doesn't involve your heart. Or any organ. 'cept one maybe

Oh, also, the Cold Tuesday Mornings bit -- like it. A lot.
#10
Like the person above me stated, it's really annoying when you capitalize every word. The people here saying that this is written in a non-cliched way are way off. Heavy cliche song this. It's like everytime I read "It's Easy To See Love Is Tearing Us Apart" my eyes get's smaller from boredom. BUT, you should not lose hope! There are some good things in this text like the "Cold Tuesday Mornings" part. I think the reason why I liked this is because it's so much more personal than "Love Is Tearing Us Apart." Also I liked the name of your song "Calling it Quits." Not a phrase used to much in love songs so it has a certain effect on the reader or listener.

Crit mine whould you?
#11
this song is pretty good, i actually like it, i usually don't like lovey type songs people put up, but this is an exception
#12
i find this beautifull, some people may call it cliché, but what in the world isn't cliche anymore(this isn't a question don't come up with "A song about feeding purple polka dot ducks in your living room while watching a pornmovie".

nice song.
I'll give you a 9 because the caps are driving me crazy

Crit mine if you want.

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=544279

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=544812

thanks in advance
#13
I really liked this. it got me thinking of a relatioship i had once. and the ryming doesnt seem forced either . beautiful.
#14
but what in the world isn't cliche anymore(this isn't a question don't come up with "A song about feeding purple polka dot ducks in your living room while watching a pornmovie".


Cute example, but there are plenty of things that aren't cliche, regardless of the common misconception.

And this is pretty hopelessly cliche. Cliche to the point where it's just boring. Sometimes people will do cliches really well and it's like, alright, you can give em that at least. This isn't one of those times. Especially the "love will tear us apart" line. Nah. Just doesn't work.

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Last edited by Petey Cook at Mar 16, 2007,
#15
srry petey cook, i just ment to say that there a a lot of things cliche, but there are things that aren't really that cliche.
if you know what i mean

maybe i'll write a song about the duck
#16
sort of a cliche but whatever works man. everything has been said already. bst of luck fr future songs
Hi
#17
Quote by IAmSoren
Use imagery that doesn't involve your heart. Or any organ. 'cept one maybe


Spleen FTW!


Well buddy [threadstarter], I do find it quite cliche but I guess it's not necessarily a bad thing. Alright, so it's not a stellar piece of writing in itself, but with music and vocals and stuff there are other things that factor in, and especially if it's an just an outlet, then how original it is isn't necessarily important.

However, you did post it on a songwriting & lyrics forum so I shall give my opinion. I liked the cold Tuesday morning bit as well, apparently so did everybody else, that's definitely a keeper concept. Other than that nothing stuck out for me. Because of the fact that this subject, and in fact this exact wording, is used so often, one might think that it's become large common ground, something for everybody to read and relate to. On the contrary, the wording immediately shuts my brain off. It doesn't give the audience an idea of how you're feeling, because the way you've stated it has been used so many times before that as a reader I automatically think "ah, he feels like all those other guys felt". Nothing individual about it. I did like the title though, because it's usually a phrase used under other circumstances, but the repetition of it throughout kind of got boring. Something else that bothered me is "no light shines from a shredded heart"...it's like you had two ideas in disjoint, and decided to put them together. shredded and light, seem to be completely irrelevant concepts.

I don't want to be too harsh on you or your writing but that is my honest opinion. It depends on what you want to come out of your writing, is all. If it is personal then it has already served its purpose, but as a piece of art, it is questionable.


Quote by KotsPis
maybe i'll write a song about the duck


Quote by metacarpi
I'd rather post a chat up line with an escape route in case it starts going wrong.

"Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?"

*girl looks unimpressed*

"Because it looks like you landed on your face."