#1
I know that this has no choruses, but I don't really like them anyway, let me know what you think:

Staring, staring down at nothing
Looking down for your feet
see-through floor shows you one thing
Your heart just might skip a beat
Horror, Horror in your eyes
Seeing that God rolls dice

There goes, there goes all belief
Running, running scared like
All the things you want for relief
Trapped like a jew in the third riech
And now you know you're not alone
And it terrifies down to the bone

You might, you might sell
sell your whole soul out
Sell out to worldly hell
and have nothing to complain about
Wheres that, that spark of life
now that your the Devil's wife

Where are, where's all your friend's
They're not loving like your parents
You're a tool for them and
They don't think you've got the land
but you've got blood on your hands
Thats not enough for them
#2
hmmm intresting..without the chorus its more of a poem. But it could still be a song!!. One thing you might wanna change is the devils wife thing..it kinda throws it off a bit. But thats just my opinion ..ummm lol not sure wat else to say! but its intresting
#3
Staring, staring down 'through' nothing
Looking down for your feet
see-through floor shows you one thing
Your heart 'might just skip a beat'
Horror, Horror in your eyes
Seeing that God controls the dice

There goes, there goes all belief
Running, running like a scared child
All the things you want for relief
Trapped like a jew in the third riech- ****ing awesome line!
And now you know you're not alone
And it terrifies you down to the bone

You might, you might sell
sell your whole soul out
Sell out to worldly hell
and have nothing to complain about
Wheres that, that spark of life
now that your the Devil's wife- a bit corny....depends.... dont know what to suggest

Where are, where's all your friend's
They're not loving like your parents
You're a tool for them and
They don't think you've got the land
but you've got blood 'upon' your hands
Thats not enough for them

love it dude! what inspired you to right it?

stay metal
metal_ore

Comments please
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=528991
#4
thanks for the feedback guys, I might change the line about the devil's wife, it seems to be getting a lot of negative reaction, just thought it went well with the faustian feel of the stanza. Still can't think of a chorus, so maybe one just doesn't belong. Don't really know what inspired me, I was just feeling very disillusioned with society when I wrote it. Glad you guys liked it though! Any additional feedback would be appreciated as well, and I would be glad to return the favor. Thanks.