#1
First post in this wonderful forum...I thought I would give it a try.

This is called "In The Elegant Blue (Move On)" - working title

Solace in the dark
Distant coral pierces the blue plateau
The hunter lies
Hunter glimpses as I drift on.

Move on
Move on
This isn't what I came for

Ageless voices of the siren
Silences the waves
Crying out
Beckoning for who?

Move on
Move on
This isn't what I came for

A glitter of the fair sun
Though it is fake
As the spear cuts into me deep
This is not my destination.

Move on
Move on
This isn't what I came for.
Lets All Goto Mars: The I The FLAMING LIPS Club
#2
Solace in the dark
Distant coral pierces the blue plateau
The hunter lies
Hunter glimpses as I drift on.
hm, wouldnt it be 'the hunter glimpses' but any ways repeating hunter was bit annoying
Move on
Move on
This isn't what I came for

Ageless voices of the siren
Silences the waves
Crying out
Beckoning for who?

Move on
Move on
This isn't what I came for

A glitter of the fair sun
Though it is fake
As the spear cuts into me deep
This is not my destination.
was it ment to be read as "though it is fake as the spear..."?? im not sure
Move on
Move on
This isn't what I came for.
__________________


hm,it was simple, yet confusing in the same way if that makes any sense. wasnt able to put together wat this one was about.not really much for me to say, sorry aint to good at criting poetry.

crit 'the echoes' if u could, even if its a lame crit like i did for u