#1
Look OUt!
Written By Matt


I'm a hardass. Don't be afraid to say it sucks.


Verse 1:
see those signs everywhere tellin me what to do
Well now I'm gettin fed up I think I'm gonna sue
I say what right do you have to say I'm thinkin wrong?
Well to all those people I hope you hear my song


Chorus:
You can't tell me what to do
Cause my soul says I'm free
You ain't gonna rule my mind
I'm gonna break these chains that bind


Verse 2:
Your over there fightin a war that we're just gonna lose
I'm so tired of these games as I sit and drink my booze
You say that we need more troops but ah I say your wrong
But it doesn't matter I just hope you hear this song

(Chorus)

(jam)

Verse 3:
Well look at you ye faithful one teachin all the wrong rules
I say you ain't got no right to be teachin us to be cruel
I think it’s all you fault that causes everything bad
And looking at your disciples it makes me very mad


(Chorus)

(jam)

(Chorus)(Fade Out)
Last edited by hippieboy444 at Feb 19, 2007,
#2
Quote by hippieboy444
Look OUt!
Written By Matt


I'm a hardass. Don't be afraid to say it sucks.


Verse 1:
see those signs everywhere tellin me what to do
Well now I'm gettin fed up I think I'm gonna sue
I say what right do you have to say I'm thinkin wrong?
Well to all those people I hope you hear my song
i dont get how verse 1 goes with the rest of the song, it would be realy good with something else, but your going to sue the government? i think verse 1 is the best verse in the song though, so you should keep it because when your singing noone will notice, it sounds likes the rest of the song so it will be fine

Chorus:
You can't tell me what to do
Cause my soul says I'm free
You ain't gonna rule my mind
I'm gonna break these chains that bind


Verse 2:
Your over there fightin a war that we're just gonna lose
I'm so tired of these games as I sit and drink my booze
You say that we need more troops but ah I say your wrong
But it doesn't matter I just hope you hear this song
i like this last line
(Chorus)

(jam)

Verse 3:
Well look at you ye faithful one teachin all the wrong rulesnice job rhymeing, but what rules are they teaching us? i dont get that part
I say you ain't got no right to be teachin us to be cruel
I think it’s all you fault that causes everything bad
And looking at your disciples it makes me very mad


(Chorus)

(jam)

(Chorus)(Fade Out)

nice work....
My Music
Quote by x_themetalfan_x
For a second I thought the title said "I swallowed my dick".

my gear:
fender stratocaster american deluxe SSS(s1)
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silvertone acoustic

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#3
Verse 1:
see those signs everywhere tellin me what to do
Well now I'm gettin fed up I think I'm gonna sue
I say what right do you have to say I'm thinkin wrong?
Well to all those people I hope you hear my song
The only thing I don't like here is the word "sue." For me it takes away the seriousness of the introduction.

Chorus:
You can't tell me what to do
Cause my soul says I'm free
You ain't gonna rule my mind
I'm gonna break these chains that bind
Rhyming seems a bit forced on the last line. But still quite good.

Verse 2:
Your over there fightin a war that we're just gonna lose
I'm so tired of these games as I sit and drink my booze
You say that we need more troops but ah I say your wrong
But it doesn't matter I just hope you hear this song
Absolutely love the last two lines! The first two are pretty good, I just don't like the word "booze," again, I think it takes away the seriousness.

(Chorus)

(jam)

Verse 3:
Well look at you ye faithful one teachin all the wrong rules
I say you ain't got no right to be teachin us to be cruel
I think it’s all you fault that causes everything bad
And looking at your disciples it makes me very mad
This stanza is a bit strange, only because of the reason that on every other verse you end the last two lines with "wrong" and "song." But that's just me. Still quite good.

(Chorus)

(jam)

(Chorus)(Fade Out)


All in all this was pretty nice. Keep up the good work!
Crit one of mine if you get a chance?
#4
the rhymes seem kinda forced if the words dont flow naturally together then dont have it rhyme. other than that its good.