#1
Hey ppl . Not quite down here thinking about a third verse
But tell me what you think. And as usual, c4c.


Verse
MY liquid wings,in this lost village of saints
Freezing still, an crackling into nothing
Bringing calibur , longing for power to
over come the destined, lingering element
Once held in, and through out places of sanctuary an myst
Watch towers of Awareness and conciousness
Seemingly invisible, Embracing Every map of yesterday
inch by inch, discovery takes place, keeping the eyes untamed
With each moment that passes by,Forgotten, an relinquished
Reaching, forward, an gifting the everlasting promise of hope

Chorus
My Liquid wings, in this lost village of saints
My Liquid Wings, are falling into the fountain of beyond
Without our dreams, will our lives soon be gone
Well in this world, i will spread my liquid wings
Well in this world, i will spread my wings
WIthin your, heart, withing your dreams
Protect back, and push away, the tyranny of the lifeless
The shepard now hear my plea, heres the night
Where i spread my wings

Verse 2
Mu liquid wings .In the lost palace of ruins
Forming now, an materializing into an illusion
Staring into the mirror of courage, and wisdom
Pulling yourself out, while the black cold, ice of charade
melts,Inside of the restrict, Soaring over time
And Rebuilding, your fountain of worlds , fading
into a hungry for destruction,and conquest
Laying and lifting the grudge between enlighte4ned
And Catastrophic, flames scream as they release the intwined
Fury , Guiding, eternity, through the gushing vison
That beheaths, Bringing, trust in the eyes of the statue

Chorus

My Liquid wings, in this lost village of saints
My Liquid Wings, are falling into the fountain of beyond
Without our dreams, will our lives soon be gone
Well in this world, i will spread my liquid wings
Well in this world, i will spread my wings
WIthin your, heart, within all thats been seen
Protect back, and push away, the inferno of the Catacomb
The shepard now hear my plea, heres the night
Where i spread my wings
#2
Could you please break this up a bit better? I'd love to crit it, but I can't. It was hard just to read.
Cause I love feelin' dirty
And I love feelin' cheap
And I love it when you hurt me
So drive those staples deep
#3
I agree... The motive is there, Just too hard to read and break down. Saying more with less is better then saying less with more. No fluff. Try to cut it down to size, and make line breaks abit cleaner. Besides that great piece, I liked the way the chorus fit together, And so on through the song, Maybe I can't get the melody right...

Either way, Still good, and with some work will turn out atleast polished enough to last.

Take a look at mine if you wish, It is called, "And Peace Shall Sleep" on the first page
Quote by Leybick

you're going to try and tell me girls don't piss out of their asses?


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