#1
Verse 1:

You go through your life, afraid of all that’s different. A victim of a fear that infects the human race. If someone says hello, you act like you do not see him. A pattern of cold behaviour that’s killing you inside.

Verse 2:

Why you act like this, no-one can explain. You view the world through bitter eyes of hate. Your wretched mind is damaged; your feelings are long gone. You are alone from now on, something’s got to change.

Chorus:

So open your heart and your mind, let them be rid of the fear. Get the rid of the fog in your brain, embrace love and see all things clear. The world is awaiting you, listen and answer its call. Everyone’s equal in it, this world was made for us all.

Verse 3:

If you could see the damage you do to yourself, maybe you would stop and think “is this the path I choose?”.
If you do not change your ways, just think of all the things that you would lose.

Repeat chorus.


Aside from your opinions on it, feel free to suggest a name for it.

Crit for a crit.
#3
i dont really get it but i dont get alot of songs. i like it though. you should call it "afraid of yourself" or somtin
#4
Quote by KurtSlashJimi2
i dont really get it but i dont get alot of songs. i like it though. you should call it "afraid of yourself" or somtin

It's about people who look down on people with diffferent skincolour or homosexuals. That kind of stuff.
#5
Verse 1:

You go through your life, afraid of all that’s different. A victim of a fear that infects the human race. If someone says hello, you act like you do not see him. A pattern of cold behaviour that’s killing you inside.
(I think you write it kinda odd, but there is a certain flow. The sentences are a bit boring though, particularly the third sentence.)

Verse 2:

Why you act like this, no-one can explain. You view the world through bitter eyes of hate. Your wretched mind is damaged; your feelings are long gone. You are alone from now on, something’s got to change.
(Better than the first, but it doesn't really touch me. You should try to be more original. There are some close to cliche words here like: "wretched mind" and "bitter eyes of hate." Its all been used before so many times.)

Chorus:
(remove the first "the" here)
So open your heart and your mind, let them be rid of the fear. Get the rid of the fog in your brain, embrace love and see all things clear. The world is awaiting you, listen and answer its call. Everyone’s equal in it, this world was made for us all.
(I've got several suggestions on the chorus. In L1 you could switch "mind" with "soul." In L2 you could then swap "brain" with "mind." The last line is great.)

Verse 3:

If you could see the damage you do to yourself, maybe you would stop and think “is this the path I choose?”.
If you do not change your ways, just think of all the things that you would lose.
(This one was great. )

Repeat chorus.


Alltogether the song has a great message. All racists do is hurt themselves by hurting others. A suggestion for song name: "Equal" or "Race."
#6
Quote by FenTel
Verse 1:

You go through your life, afraid of all that’s different. A victim of a fear that infects the human race. If someone says hello, you act like you do not see him. A pattern of cold behaviour that’s killing you inside.
(I think you write it kinda odd, but there is a certain flow. The sentences are a bit boring though, particularly the third sentence.)

Verse 2:

Why you act like this, no-one can explain. You view the world through bitter eyes of hate. Your wretched mind is damaged; your feelings are long gone. You are alone from now on, something’s got to change.
(Better than the first, but it doesn't really touch me. You should try to be more original. There are some close to cliche words here like: "wretched mind" and "bitter eyes of hate." Its all been used before so many times.)

Chorus:
(remove the first "the" here)
So open your heart and your mind, let them be rid of the fear. Get the rid of the fog in your brain, embrace love and see all things clear. The world is awaiting you, listen and answer its call. Everyone’s equal in it, this world was made for us all.
(I've got several suggestions on the chorus. In L1 you could switch "mind" with "soul." In L2 you could then swap "brain" with "mind." The last line is great.)

Verse 3:

If you could see the damage you do to yourself, maybe you would stop and think “is this the path I choose?”.
If you do not change your ways, just think of all the things that you would lose.
(This one was great. )

Repeat chorus.


Alltogether the song has a great message. All racists do is hurt themselves by hurting others. A suggestion for song name: "Equal" or "Race."

Thanks.. Well, maybe they'd be less boring sung?
#8
Well i think it was well expressed i really liked this piece. I think you described it very well and never repeated your self i think it is a really good effort. As for a name you could call it "Who we are". or something like that to show everyone is a somebody no matter what skin colour or race.
Please crit back on my new song its about familys splitting up. click on link below.

places for me
#9
Hope you've read the rules since... February, and realised that this has the wrong title.


Closed.
This is not a pipe