#1
i wrote this about a week ago and before i put music to it i wanted to see what you UG'ers thought. please give suggestions.


Untitled Life

Chorus:

My life is so untitled
I can see it getting eatin away
My life is so untitled
I can’t see it staying this way

Verse: 1

How much more can I take?
This may be my last mistake
How much more can my life take?
This might be my last night

(Little solo)

Chorus:

My life is so untitled
I can see it getting eatin away
My life is so untitled
I can’t see it staying this way

Verse 2:

I cant live this way no more
It’s to hard to make it move
This life is not what I want
This life is not what I had
This life is not what I did
But this is how it turns out


Chorus:

My life is so untitled
I can see it getting eatin away
My life is so untitled
I can’t see it staying this way


( solo )

Chorus:

My life is so untitled
I can see it getting eatin away
My life is so untitled
I can’t see it staying this way


Verse 3:

How much longer can I last
I cant live this way no more
This is my last night here
I cant stay right here no more
Its ok ill be right up there
Watching down on all of you
That are still down there

Chorus:

My life is so untitled
I can see it getting eatin away
My life is so untitled
I can’t see it staying this way


Verse 4:

My life now has a title
My life is not a joke
My life has ended
My new life has begun
My Music
Quote by x_themetalfan_x
For a second I thought the title said "I swallowed my dick".

my gear:
fender stratocaster american deluxe SSS(s1)
G-DEC 30W amp
custom carrying case
jasmine by takamine acoustic
silvertone acoustic

AMAZING GUITAR SOLO!!!
#3
can someone critic it? i wanna record it soon
My Music
Quote by x_themetalfan_x
For a second I thought the title said "I swallowed my dick".

my gear:
fender stratocaster american deluxe SSS(s1)
G-DEC 30W amp
custom carrying case
jasmine by takamine acoustic
silvertone acoustic

AMAZING GUITAR SOLO!!!
#4
I like it a lot as well, feel like many people can associate closely to the lyrics.
#5
You need to change 'untitled' to something else, because it makes absolutely no sense.

How can a life be untitled? A song, book, poem, movie, or play can be untitled, but a life? And if your life were untitled, couldn't you still live? What's a title anyway except a label.
Poor advice.
#6
yea , it means like that someones life is not noticed or not very good at stuff, and that they wanna gett away from it all so they kill themselves
My Music
Quote by x_themetalfan_x
For a second I thought the title said "I swallowed my dick".

my gear:
fender stratocaster american deluxe SSS(s1)
G-DEC 30W amp
custom carrying case
jasmine by takamine acoustic
silvertone acoustic

AMAZING GUITAR SOLO!!!
#7
i really like the song i really like how u say your life is untitled it just gives the song so much more meaning and emotion
broken heart please crit my song:warzone


PAPA ROACH KICKS A$$!!!!

GO SENS GO!!!
THE CUP IS YOURS!!!
#8
thanks papa roach23, i like warzone more though , thats my favorite song of all time
My Music
Quote by x_themetalfan_x
For a second I thought the title said "I swallowed my dick".

my gear:
fender stratocaster american deluxe SSS(s1)
G-DEC 30W amp
custom carrying case
jasmine by takamine acoustic
silvertone acoustic

AMAZING GUITAR SOLO!!!
#9
thanks i wrote another song it isn't as good i my opinion but ill be posting it soon its called questions
broken heart please crit my song:warzone


PAPA ROACH KICKS A$$!!!!

GO SENS GO!!!
THE CUP IS YOURS!!!
#10
Quote by ihaterap101
i wrote this about a week ago and before i put music to it i wanted to see what you UG'ers thought. please give suggestions.


Untitled Life

Chorus:

My life is so untitled
I can see it getting eatin away
My life is so untitled
I can’t see it staying this way

ABAB in chorus but still ok may be you can sing "this way" right just after the chorus one octave higher it will give a nice effect atleast it sounded gr8 in melody i am trying to sing it


Verse: 1

How much more can I take?
This may be my last mistake
How much more can my life take?
This might be my last night


L1 ok
l2 it seems a bit forced to me may be try "may be do my last mistake" it adds to the flow
L3 & l1 are similar but hey whatever works
L4 its ok but something better can be here to much of this going on may be an alteration can do it better thats what i think like
" i know it might be last night"
i will add1 more mys elf

"so i started to pray" ( in my mind i was singing this line 1 octave higher)



(Little solo)

Chorus:

My life is so untitled
I can see it getting eatin away
My life is so untitled
I can’t see it staying this way

"Already said about chorus"


Verse 2:

I cant live this way no more
It’s to hard to make it move
This life is not what I want
This life is not what I had
This life is not what I did
But this is how it turns out


l1 & l2 are good but n L3, L4, L5 . this life is not what i is too many times believe me when you will record it it will produce monotony unless your vocalist is really talented . remember to have different chords for each line if u dont want to change it . but my suggestion will be to alter it
L6 is ok

overall not strong as v1 but ok


Chorus:

My life is so untitled
I can see it getting eatin away
My life is so untitled
I can’t see it staying this way


( solo )

Chorus:

My life is so untitled
I can see it getting eatin away
My life is so untitled
I can’t see it staying this way

(already said about chorus)

Verse 3:

How much longer can I last
I cant live this way no more
This is my last night here
I cant stay right here no more
Its ok ill be right up there
Watching down on all of you
That are still down there

(add 1 more line here your all verses have even no of lines this one has odd . otherwise while recording it will give you a problem)

1 more thing chorus is way alot to many times . if you will sing it too many times its impact will be less so just before u record it see the structure of ur song in ur head

Chorus:

My life is so untitled
I can see it getting eatin away
My life is so untitled
I can’t see it staying this way


Verse 4:

My life now has a title
My life is not a joke
My life has ended
My new life has begun

( i think you should take this as a verse)




u have 3 verses and 4 th vers e as a bridge according to me .so i am gonna tell you a structure in my mind how does it feel gr8

chorus

solo (intro lead)

v1

v2

chorus

smaall solo (filler type)

v3

chorus

v4 (as bridge different chords for it)

solo (full one)

chorus

(outro)



well i didnt read the crits before mine so i dont know what they were talking about . and i assume this song to be fitted for something in rock genre . i prefer a hard rock style for this one . well i am srry i didnt crited keeping only lyrics in mind . i just wanted to share my experience with you when it comes to recording . its something i have learnt in time .

well thanx for the crit . if it wasn't enough maybe i will crit your next song
Hi
#11
when you said that about the chorus came up with an idea like nirvana, in smells like teen spirit " hello hello hello how low" for the chorus after it i can put
this way this way this way , this way"
tell me if you like that idea
My Music
Quote by x_themetalfan_x
For a second I thought the title said "I swallowed my dick".

my gear:
fender stratocaster american deluxe SSS(s1)
G-DEC 30W amp
custom carrying case
jasmine by takamine acoustic
silvertone acoustic

AMAZING GUITAR SOLO!!!
#12
as i start to read this over more i realized i want it to sound like nirvana, sing this kinda like smells like teen spirit on the chorus for this way ( hello, hello, ) and when you critique have in mind kurts voice.


Untitled Life

Chorus:

My life is so untitled
I can see it getting eatin away
My life is so untitled
I can’t see it staying this way
this way
this way
this way
this____way
( solo )

Verse: 1

How much more can I take?
This may be my last mistake
How much more can my life take?
i know it might be my last night

Verse 2:

I cant live this way no more
It’s to hard to make it move
This life is not what I want
This life is not what I had
This life is not what I did
But this is how it turns out


Chorus:

My life is so untitled
I can see it getting eatin away
My life is so untitled
I can’t see it staying this way
this way
this way
this way
this____way


Verse 3:

How much longer can I last
I cant live this way no more
This is my last night here
I cant stay right here no more
Its ok ill be right up there
Watching down on all of you
That are still down there


Chorus:

My life is so untitled
I can see it getting eatin away
My life is so untitled
I can’t see it staying this way
this way
this way
this way
this____way


bridge

My life now has a title
My life is not a joke
My life has ended
My new life has begun
My Music
Quote by x_themetalfan_x
For a second I thought the title said "I swallowed my dick".

my gear:
fender stratocaster american deluxe SSS(s1)
G-DEC 30W amp
custom carrying case
jasmine by takamine acoustic
silvertone acoustic

AMAZING GUITAR SOLO!!!